


Hiraeth

by fandm_writer



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, Nightmares, Slow Burn, SnowBarry - Freeform, and they were ROOMMATES, pure domestic nonsense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 28,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandm_writer/pseuds/fandm_writer
Summary: In the wake of the impending Crisis, Caitlin vanishes alongside Barry. Now, trapped in an utterly fabricated and eerily perfect reality, the pair must learn to live together and adjust to their new life in the Speed Force, as well as the ramifications of what lay beyond.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiraeth: (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, or that maybe never was.
> 
> Anyway, here's a 16+k fic of pure domestic fluff. Shout out to ArtemisSnowChase thank you so much for all your input and help planning this fic! Also just a heads up, in an attempt to avoid overcomplicating dynamics, Caitlin's/Frost's personalities won't be strictly divided in this fic. Sorry if this is in any way disappointing to any readers.

If asked, Caitlin Snow wasn't sure if she could pinpoint the exact moment her decision had been made. It happened gradually, like the sun slowly rising over a city.

To the outside observer, it probably seemed like a snap judgment, a spur of the moment calculation made by a weary soul who couldn't bring herself to lose anybody else. But, truthfully, the resolve had entered her mind long before the actual date arrived.

It had begun when Barry had admitted to her how scared he truly was to 'vanish in the crisis'. When he had broken down in the quiet of her med bay one night and said he wasn't ready to leave everyone and everything he loved behind; even if he knew he'd make the same decision every time. In that moment, Caitlin had made a silent vow to herself; either she was going to stop it from happening, or she was going to go with him. He didn't deserve any of this, he didn't deserve to be adrift and alone. She was going to make sure he wasn't, even if she didn't understand how yet.

So naturally, when the Crisis inevitably arrived and the angry red sky rumbled above them, Caitlin made sure to stick as close to Barry as possible, on and off the battlefield. In the end, she found herself standing next to the Flash, Eobard Thawne's strained and ragged laughs drifting through the air.

"You're done, Thawne," Barry said through gritted teeth, kneeling above the battered body of the other speedster.

Eobard's laughter only intensified, his shoulders shaking from the mirth of whatever it was he found so funny.

"Did you really think," he gasped out, "it was just a coincidence that the sky was _Flash_ red?"

Barry froze in place, eyes drifting to the crackling crimson storm above them. Suddenly, he reached forward and grabbed Eobard by the collar, yanking him up to face him.

"_What did you do_?" Barry bit out.

Eobard only smiled through blood-stained teeth, allowing his head to lull back a little under the Flash's hold.

"_I_ didn't have to do anything, that's the beauty of it. Realities are colliding, Flash, the Speed Force has been torn open," he explained in an easy, low tone. "And if you want even a chance at stopping it or salvaging any form of reality, you're going to have to make a sacrifice."

"What does that mean?" Caitlin spoke up from beside Barry, willing her voice to remain firm and steady.

The Reverse Flash's gaze slid to her, a familiar kind of fondness in his eyes. The same way he used to look at her and Cisco when they solved a particularly difficult problem. It made her feel uneasy, the old sting of betrayal clawing it's way back to the surface.

"Barry is a living Speed Force generator," he replied calmly, "he can take it back with him, he can fix it."

"So the way I see it," Eobard continued, his eyes drifting back to Barry, "you can either stay here and try to stop me, or you can go into the Speed Force and save the day like a good little hero. It's time to decide, Barry. Which is more important to you? Getting your revenge on me, or saving the lives of everyone you love?"

Barry leveled his gaze with the other speedster, a silent fire burning within him.

"_Tick tock, Flash. Tick tock."_

Then, just as suddenly as Barry had latched onto him, he let go, the speedster's head slamming back down onto the pavement with a _thud_.

Eobard only chuckled quietly, "That's what I thought."

Barry soon rose from where he had been kneeling and drew in a fortifying breath. He then turned back to Caitlin, Ralph and even Oliver, an apologetic look in his eyes.

"Barry, _please_ tell me you're not seriously considering this," Cisco's voice crackled over the coms.

"Cisco, he's telling the truth. If I do this, it should work, and even if it doesn't..._I_ _have to try_."

After that, a heavy silence settled onto all of them; they all knew what came next. They had made peace with it, and had already said their goodbyes to Barry and even to each other. Now all that was left was to go through the motions.

A crackle of lightning tore through the sky above them, as though urging him on impatiently. Barry steeled himself and pulled his cowl back over his head, squaring off his gaze as a Speed Force portal appeared in front of him. Lightning began to snake and surge around him and Caitlin took that as her cue to act.

She reached out, her fingertips grasping his shoulder just as the world around them ground to a halt. Barry was startled by the action, whirling around to face her. She had to adjust her grip to stay anchored, her hand sliding down the side of his arm and coming to a stop at his wrist.

"Caitlin," he began, his words carrying an edge. "What are you doing?"

"I'm coming with you," she declared softly, lightning steadily encircling them.

"No," Barry breathed out shaking his head. "No, you're—"

"Yes, I am."

"_Caitlin_."

"_Barry_."

"Alright, listen to me," Barry quickly shifted tactics, bringing his hands up to rest on the sides of her shoulders. "You saw the articles, this is a one-way trip. Caitlin, there's no coming back from this. For either of us."

"Maybe. Maybe not," Caitlin reasoned, "Everything has changed, nothing is set in stone now. And even if it is—" she added, her brown eyes flickering up to meet his green ones, "—at least you won't be alone."

Barry let out a quiet sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face. "Look, I've spent months making peace with all of this, and thinking about everybody that I'll never see again and what this is gonna do to them. But I don't have a choice here. _You do_. You don't have to do this. Think about what this might do to the people in your life. Caitlin—"

"I have," she cut in with a calm kind of finality.

She had thought about it, quite a bit, actually. She thought about Cisco and his new (and for the most part ordinary) life. She thought about Ralph, and how much he had grown as a person and as a hero. She thought about her mother and the months of radio silence that had stretched between them. She thought about Wally and his recent (and permanent) return to Central City. And throughout all of it, she thought about how she might fit into it all, and whether or not she even wanted to try without Barry around. So yes, she had thought about it, and all it had really done was strengthen her resolve. They didn't need her, not anymore, not in the way they once had, and not in the way that Barry did right now.

"I have," she repeated quietly.

Barry regarded her for a few moments more, a mix of sadness and unease clouding his features. Yet, below it all there was a relief, and perhaps even a bit of gratitude.

"And you're sure about it? A hundred percent?" Barry questioned once more.

"Three thousand percent," she replied with an easy smile.

Barry only let out a shaky and breathy laugh, sliding his hand down to interlock with hers. "Okay then."

After that, they turned to the awaiting portal, and together they walked away, disappearing into the chaotic whirlwind of lightning.

* * *

Caitlin wasn't entirely sure what she had expected the Speed Force to be like, and honestly, she hadn't really had the time to consider it. All she had really had to go on was what Cisco and Barry had told her from their previous encounters with it. So between those two stories, there was a 50/50 chance it would either be a swirling storm of lightning and chaos, or an eerie and empty mirror of their home world.

She had mentally prepared herself for both scenarios.

What she had not expected, however, was the bright sunny skies and steady stream of traffic that flowed outside the window of CC Jitters. Barry sat across from her at their little table, quietly stirring his coffee. All around them the cafe was bustling, the low sound of chatter and spoons clanking against dishes filling the background.

"This isn't what it was like the last time I was here," Barry kept his voice low, eyes drifting to the happy, oblivious patrons. "I mean I don't remember the _last_ _time_ I was here, but when I went to get Wally it wasn't this..." he trailed off.

"Mundane?" She supplied.

He nodded. "But then again, it was pretty angry at me then," he added.

"Well, whatever the reason, let's just be happy it isn't anymore. I would've hated to have to spend the rest of our lives running from Time Wraiths. Or Dementors, according to Cisco," she replied, almost fondly.

Barry chuckled from behind his coffee mug.

"So what do we do now?" Caitlin said after a beat, wrapping her hands around her own mug and allowing the warmth to seep into her palms.

Barry paused, considering it. "Maybe...maybe we could go back to our lives? I know it's not the same, or maybe not even real, but our friends and family are here, and maybe that's enough," he concluded, eyes drifting over the utter normalcy that surrounded them.

Caitlin pressed her lips together thoughtfully, then shook her head slowly, wordlessly. She didn't like it. It wasn't the same, she knew it wasn't; but she resolved to give it a shot, for Barry's sake at least. She then picked up her coffee cup and took a steady sip, if only to give herself something to do.

After that day, they adopted a routine. They would go about their normal lives with the same (fake?) people they always had, as though nothing had changed. They would smile and laugh at all the right times and never say a word to shatter the delicate (and utterly false) reality before them.

But, they always made sure to meet at Jitters at least once a day. To talk freely with one and other, or simply to be in the presence of the only other _real_ person in the entire world. Caitlin had found herself taking solace in their little meetings; it was a welcomed relief in the rigidly phony facade she had forced herself to assume.

It was exhausting honestly, and it didn't help that she barely saw Barry at the lab because nothing ever seemed to go wrong in this new world of theirs. In the entirely of the time they had been there, not once had a meta alert pinged.

It was on the tenth day that Caitlin found herself sitting across from Barry, a troubled and distant look on his face. He had been quiet for the better part of twenty minutes, practically glaring at his cup of coffee. She had tried to talk to him, but only received a quiet "I'm fine," before he once again lapsed into broody silence.

Caitlin had resigned herself to an uncommunicative lunch and shifted her focus to her latte and croissant.

"I can't do it anymore," Barry spoke up abruptly, surprising Caitlin. "I can't keep pretending that everything is alright, that it's the same. It's not," he continued, a pained kind of tired in his voice.

Caitlin felt as though a crushing weight had been lifted, she had been ready to stop pretending on day three.

"I know what you mean," she answered, understandingly. "The people here, even the people we love, they aren't really...people. Sometimes it feels like talking to a computer."

Barry inclined his head in agreement, grimacing a little.

"Now what?" Caitlin directed the question to both him and herself, leaning back in her chair.

Barry blew out a slow thoughtful exhale, running a hand through his dark hair.

"What if we just went somewhere else," the idea spilled from Barry's lips quickly, desperately. "You and me, let's just _go_. We can find new jobs. Get an apartment or a house and live somewhere we won't have to constantly be reminded of everyone we left behind. You know?"

He stopped for a moment, his gaze flickering from their surroundings then solely to her. "What do you say?"

Caitlin sat in quiet contemplation, Barry's offer sinking in. At first, the idea seemed utterly insane and impulsive. They couldn't just pick up their stuff and leave, could they? Surely it couldn't be that simple.

Yet, the more Caitlin thought about it, the more tempting the proposal became. She soon caught herself smiling at the thought of it, a new sense of peace and even relief unfurling within her.

"Okay," Caitlin accepted, an oddly giddy sensation bubbling beneath her words. "Let's do it."

A grin engulfed Barry's features and all the previous tension he had held seemed to melt away. They began to discuss the idea excitedly, their attitudes the most natural and relaxed they had been since the day they arrived.

After that, Barry was all smiles and ease, even going as far as to reach across the table and attempt to steal a bite of Caitlin's croissant.

The next several days were spent mostly at Jitters or tucked away in a quiet corner of S.T.A.R. Labs. They talked over all the details and sifted through various newspaper ads and websites. They even looked at a few places here and there, but failed to find one that really suited them both.

Then finally, on day four of playing House Hunters, they found exactly what they were looked for. It was a townhouse just east of the city's metropolitan area; geographically, it was far enough removed that they wouldn't have to deal with a lot of neighbors, but not so far that it was rural.

"Not too far, not too close, it's just right," Barry had joked from where he sat cross-legged on the pipeline floor.

"Since when are we in Goldilocks and the Three Bears?" She quirked an eyebrow, peeking at him from over the newspaper she held.

Barry only shrugged, "Nothing else here is exactly normal, it probably wouldn't surprise me if there were three bipedal bears around here somewhere."

"Be careful what you wish for," Caitlin mumbled absently, turning her attention back to the ad.

Barry only laughed.

The house itself was two stories and came lightly furnished, but still allowed room to add their own personal flair. It was modern yet cozy, with two bedrooms, two baths, and a decent-sized living room and kitchen. The kitchen came with modern appliances, accents of black and gray darting across the cabinets. The countertops were all sleek, black marble, with a kitchen bar off to the side that served as a table. Furniture wise, the bedrooms were bare but the living room already had a couch and a tv screen mounted on the wall in front of it.

Needless to say, Caitlin and Barry were quite impressed after they completed the walkthrough. They stayed close together as they trailed behind the realtor, mentioning what they each liked about the house and discussing ways to improve what they didn't.

However, the deal had been sealed when they were told the price the owners were willing to accept. The realtor just smiled politely and stepped out to get the paperwork.

Left alone, they stood quietly in the foyer. A ghost of a smile tugged at Barry's lips as he glanced around, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. Caitlin couldn't help but mirror the same expression; they could make this place their own, their new home, their safe haven.

The rest of the week was spent packing up and moving they're belongings.

They started with Caitlin's apartment, because she lived alone and it was easier to avoid any cheap copies of their friends and family. Nobody asked what they'd been up to, nor did anybody call, so it was easy to stay focused and forget about it all for a while.

However, they both knew eventually they were going to have to face the music and at least tell (fake?) Iris about their plans. How she would react, they had no way of knowing for sure.

It was on a particularly chilly and overcast day that Caitlin ended up loading boxes of Barry's things into the back of her car. The gentle sound of raindrops pattered on the pavement around her, making small pools all along the driveway.

A sudden (yet somehow comforting) gust of wind swept over her, blowing her hair in all directions.

"That should be the last of the clothes," the speedster informed from where he now stood, leaned against the side of her car.

"And this should be the last of _everything_," she supplied, slamming the back hatch closed with no small amount of satisfaction.

They both stood there for a moment afterward, smiling at each other like idiots.

_Are we really doing this?_ Barry seemed to ask without words.

_I guess so_. Caitlin seemed to reply just the same.

Their moment of silent understanding stretched on until Barry spoke up.

"You're soaked," he frowned, reaching up to brush away a strand of damp hair that clung to her forehead.

"Well, not all of us can get dry by running at super speed," she reminded wryly.

He gave her an incredulous smile and shook his head. "Come on, let's get you dried off before we leave."

He moved around to her side and took off his jacket, draping it over her shoulders. Caitlin assured him she was fine, but Barry insisted and began to usher her towards the door.

Nevertheless, his attempts were interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Caitlin was pretty sure both their stomachs dropped. The gentle squeak of brakes filled their ears, and Iris stepped out of the car a not long after. She greeted them both happily and insisted they come inside, even offering to make some hot tea.

Both Caitlin and Barry were soon standing in the loft kitchen, shifting on their feet awkwardly. Caitlin still stood with Barry's jacket over her shoulders, her damp clothes making a small puddle on the floor.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" Iris inquired, turning away from the water she had just poured in the kettle.

Barry shot Caitlin an uneasy glance, his eyes pleading the question; _what do I tell her?_

It was a good question. Because how exactly was Barry supposed to tell his wife who wasn't actually his wife that he was moving out with another woman, (who he definitely wasn't romantically involved with) because he couldn't stand to be reminded of the actual family and life he'd lost? Yeah, it was a weird one. But then again, if she wasn't real, maybe she wouldn't even care.

_The truth_, was Caitlin's silent reply, _tell her the truth._

Barry appeared to get her meaning because he turned back to Iris and spoke.

"Um..." he started, a distinct nervous pitch in his voice, "moving actually. Ca...Caitlin and I have been looking for a new place and we finally found a good one. We just finished packing actually." His words came out rushed a jumbled as he gestured to the car outside.

All the while, Iris stood there and listened patiently, the kettle beginning to whistle behind her.

"Wh...what do you think of that?" Barry stuttered the question out, running a clammy palm over the back of his neck.

Caitlin was actually surprised by how much this whole situation made her want to throw herself into oncoming traffic. Or at least crawl into a hole somewhere and never emerge.

However, Iris only smiled the same polite smile that everyone in this world seemed to wear. "Whatever makes you happy," she answered brightly.

It was probably meant to be reassuring, but somehow all it did was unsettle them both. After the tea, the pair stepped back out and got into the car. Caitlin started the engine and quickly peeled out of the driveway. Neither of them ever looked back.

In the weeks that followed, both Barry and Caitlin had a lot of adjusting to do.

Caitlin stopped returning to S.T.A.R. Labs and Barry asked Singh if he could take an indefinite leave of absence. The Captain had agreed, almost eerily uttering the phrase, "Whatever makes you happy, Allen."

With nothing to distract them, they soon set to work unpacking and decorating their new home. It was a challenge at first, merging both of their styles and learning to work with each other in a new and unfamiliar setting.

Despite the bumps along the way, they made it work (as they always did).

What took the most getting used to was their difference in cleaning habits. Caitlin was a very organized person, she liked to keep all her things in order, regardless of the setting. Barry on the other hand...didn't. Now, that wasn't to say that he couldn't be organized. Caitlin knew he could be from watching him work, his job required him to do so. At home was another story entirely. He would often let things pile up in various corners and chairs in such a way that would make Caitlin's eye twitch.

Thankfully though, he was pretty good at realizing when it was getting to be too much and would promptly speed clean it. It was satisfying, Caitlin had found, watching it all vanish away.

By the time two weeks elapsed, they finally had their house "_just right_," as Barry had put it, in an unnecessarily high pitched 'Goldilocks' voice.

They had arranged and rearranged until they found a configuration that they could agree on. Caitlin added a few chairs and glass coffee table to the living room, and Barry hung enough pictures to fill a photo album. He even managed to go steal their favorite group photo from the lab.

The bedrooms and kitchen came much easier. The bedrooms, because they each had their own, and the kitchen, because it already came with appliances. All that was left after that was to go on a grocery run and get enough plates and glasses for two.

When they were satisfied with the house, they moved on to the backyard.

It was decently sized and rectangular, a latticed wooden fence cropping it out neatly. The grass and weeds were thick and unkempt, but otherwise, the space was in good condition. It took a little work, but eventually, they got it all trimmed down to a manageable level.

Caitlin made soil beds and planted a pretty sizable garden. It was comprised of mostly flowers, like daisies and roses (Barry even managed to convince her to plant Chionodoxa, though he insisted on calling them Glory of the Snow) but there were also vegetables, as well as a few strawberry bushes sprinkled here and there.

While she did that, Barry had set to work adding his own flair to their little outdoor space. By the time he was done, there was an intricate stone path that stretched from the backdoor to a small patio area with a fire pit. He had also stretched a hammock between two of the trees nestled in the corner of the yard. Because, according to him, hammocks were awesome.

When it was all said and done, Caitlin had smiled contently as she looked over all their hard work. It was home now, it was cozy, it was _theirs_.

One might think it would be smooth sailing from then on. After all, they were settled in and pretty successfully separated from any painful reminders of the world they left behind. Caitlin found herself a new job at a local clinic, and Barry began teaching forensic and criminology courses at the Central City University.

Everything had gone as planned, better than planned, actually. But of course, even in a world as unsettlingly perfect as the Speed Force, problems still arose.

It had started small; a fitful night's rest here, or a bad dream there. It wasn't anything that Caitlin wasn't accustomed to. She had started having nightmares after the Particle Accelerator and had never really stopped having them. Yet there was something more pronounced about the dreams she was having now, they were becoming more frequent and increasingly darker in nature.

It all came to a head when Caitlin awoke one night with her heart hammering in her chest, images of her bloody and dead loved ones still imprinted behind her eyes. She sat straight up as the sounding of screaming filled her ears, frost instinctively flaring in her palms.

It took her a moment to realize the screams were her own.

A sudden gust of wind and a flash of orange lightning filled the room. Caitlin felt the panic in her chest ease up a little, the ice in her veins melting away.

Barry's pajama-clad form appeared in her field of vision, his posture defensive and ready to pounce upon whatever silent intruder had invaded their home. However, upon realizing there was absolutely no one and nothing there, he quickly moved to Caitlin's bedside and knelt down.

"Caitlin, what's wrong? What happened?" He questioned frantically, his worried features catching her eye in the low light.

"It's fine. Everything's fine. It was just a dream," she explained a little breathlessly, her hand reaching out to clutch his in the dark.

He was there, he was solid, he was _real_. She had to keep reminding herself of that.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she quickly leaned forward and pulled Barry close. He didn't seem too surprised by the suddenness of it, and reciprocated, his arms snaking around her abdomen and holding her tightly. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and didn't let go until the visions of his blood-stained and broken body disappeared from her mind.

Eventually, they moved apart, though Barry still kept a firm and grounding hold on her hand.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," she apologized, running her free hand through her messy auburn hair.

Her heart still thundered in her ears, but she was calmer now, the previous adrenaline beginning to drain from her system.

"You don't have to be sorry," Barry replied softly, "you're the one that was having the nightmare. A pretty bad one, it seems like."

"How long has this been going on?" Barry inquired in a low and soothing kind of way.

Caitlin breathed in slowly, shifting slightly beneath the covers.

"Years," she admitted, her tone matching his. "But it hasn't been this bad in a long time."

Barry nodded wordlessly, an understanding spreading across his features.

"I'm sorry," Caitlin repeated, shaking her head at how silly she now felt. "It's fine, really. You can go back to bed if you want."

Barry took a moment to consider her words. "I could, but I could also stay for a bit," he offered intuitively. "If you want me to, that is."

Caitlin didn't answer for the span of about ten seconds, internally debating whether or not she wanted to put up a facade and tell him everything was fine. In the end, she determined she was too tired for it.

"Would you?" Caitlin asked anxiously, the clammy hands of apprehension taking hold upon her.

"Of course," Barry gave her an assuring smile, instantly putting her at ease.

He then stood from where he had been kneeling and looked as though he was debating whether or not to lay on top of the covers. Without saying a word, Caitlin reached forward and peeled them back, scooting over a little to make room for him. Barry climbed in beside her, the mattress dipping a little from the added weight.

After that night, it became a bit of a norm for them. Whenever Caitlin would have a bad nightmare, Barry would always be there, ready to stay for however long she needed him too. Then, after a while, she began to seek him out. On the rare occasions she managed to not wake him up, she would groggily make her to his room and sleep there for the remainder of the night.

It helped. It always helped. On the nights that Barry was with her, she wouldn't have a single nightmare. She would sleep soundly and wake up feeling refreshed.

On the nights that he wasn't, however, were a different story entirely. As soon as she would drift off, she'd begin to dream, tossing and turning restlessly. Then, in the morning, she would stumble out of bed, feeling as though all the energy had been zapped from her body.

Barry seemed to take note of this because eventually, he offered to simply let her move into his room; or move into hers, whichever she preferred. Caitlin had thanked him for the gesture and declined, not wanting to encroach upon his privacy or space any more than she already had.

He seemed to pick up on that too, immediately assuring her that she wasn't intruding and he didn't mind. She remained adamant though, but, then again, so did he. He continued to make her the offer whenever the subject arose and she continued to refuse it.

She walked by his room one day and paused, realizing he had subtly moved his bed and most of his stuff to one side of the room. She had just smiled softly and kept walking, thinking about how much she didn't deserve a friend like him.

It took two months of a hit and miss sleep pattern for her to finally cave.

One morning, she awoke after a particularly fitful night, feeling as though her legs and her limbs were weights. Nevertheless, she got dressed and ready for work, determined not to let her current state of exhaustion get the best of her. And she was exhausted, more so than she'd ever felt. Even long overnighters back in her college days hadn't ever left her feeling _this_ drained.

Later that day, Caitlin caught herself nodding off on the toilet (ON THE TOILET) only to immediately jolt back awake. It was then that she decided she'd had enough, she couldn't keep doing this. She had already tried melatonin supplements and just about every other treatment she would've normally prescribed to a patient, and nothing had worked.

Well, that wasn't true, there was one thing she knew worked.

Caitlin took the rest of the day off, doing her best to ignore the head manager's bright "whatever makes you happy, Dr. Snow!"

She arrived home long before Barry did, and promptly began moving her things to the empty side of his room. By the time he did get back from his long day of teaching, she had everything relocated except her bed. In fact, she was in the process of moving it when he appeared with a _whoosh_, still clad in the tweed jacket he had taken to wearing. He was surprised for only a moment, then immediately jumped in and began to help her. An almost relived smile rested on his lips the entire time.

When they were finished, Barry insisted she lay down and take a nap, probably because of the very obvious dark circles under her eyes. She didn't require much persuading at that point and soon found her head resting atop a pillow. Barry draped a blanket over her and sat down, his hand running calming circles along the side of her leg.

Later that evening, when they both went to bed and told each other goodnight from across the room, Caitlin drifted off peacefully and slept better than she had the entirety of the time she'd been in the Speed Force.

After that, her nightmares were few and far between, and when she did have them Barry was never more than an arms-length away.

She later learned that he sometimes got them as well. They were rare and not nearly as bad as the ones she'd been having, but he certainly wasn't immune to them. He would roll and jerk in his sleep, sometimes making pained noises or calling out the names of friends and family members long gone.

Caitlin would always slip out of bed and pad across the room, gently waking him from whatever traumatizing experience he was reliving. Afterward, she'd lay down next to him and drape her arm over his side, her head resting on the back of his shoulder, and whisper reassuring words that he had often said to her.

They both had their fair share of restless nights, but thankfully, one of them was always close by, ready to chase the other's bad dreams away.

* * *

Turns out, even the Speed Force was no stranger to the four seasons.

Summer came and went and the cold chill of autumn settled over Central City. Leaves littered the sidewalks and the aroma of all things pumpkin could be smelled in the air.

It was about that time that Barry and Caitlin began to spend more of their time indoors. Caitlin harvested her garden and got everything in order as all her plants began to whither or go dormant for the year. By then, it was just too cold to stay out at the patio in the evening. Well, too cold for Barry, anyway. It didn't bother Caitlin quite as much, but that was thanks to her very DNA.

It was during the first real frost of the year that they began to make good use of the entertainment system that came with the house. Barry came home with a big stack of movies and they had their own little marathon.

A designated movie night was put into effect after that. They took turns picking what movies to watch because apparently, they both had very different preferences in genre. Barry loved musicals and sci-fi, while Caitlin preferred horror and rom-coms.

As a result, the first time it was Caitlin's turn, she chose a particularly scary horror movie. It was a guilty pleasure of her's, she loved to pick at the logic of the characters and find all the plot-holes. Somehow, she found she enjoyed it even more with Barry because he fell for all the jump scares.

There was even one point in the movie when the demon came charging out of a wardrobe, that Barry let out a high-pitched yell. Caitlin spent the next five minutes laughing and nearly fell off the couch in the process.

Barry only huffed and crossed his arms, making up some story about how he had accidentally stubbed his toe.

"Sure you did," she leaned across the couch and patted his shoulder, an amused smile playing on her lips.

He fell for another scare not two minutes later.

It was okay though, because he got her back as soon as it was his turn to pick. He picked _Grease_ of all movies, and Caitlin could practically feel her cheeks burning from the moment she saw the DVD. Sometimes it still amazed her how strongly the memories of that night still lingered in her mind. Those painfully embarrassing memories.

Barry enjoyed himself thoroughly and sang along flawlessly to every single tune. But his reaction to Summer Nights was by far the most drastic. He practically leaped up from the couch and burst into song.

"Join me, Caitlin," he said, dramatically outstretching his hand towards her.

Caitlin refused at first, her arms crossed and her face no doubt the same shade as the strawberries she had grown in her garden.

"But you gotta," Barry pleaded, brandishing an overly expressive pout. "It's a _duet_."

"And I know you know the lyrics," he added, his face morphing into a playful smirk.

Caitlin rolled her eyes and Barry took both her hands, pulling her up to her feet. Begrudgingly, she sang along, her voice sounding squeaky to her own ears. Barry began to dance around the living room and even managed to pull her into that too. She soon found herself loosening up and even laughing.

When it was all said and done (and sang) they both collapsed back onto the couch, grinning and giggles and out of breath from their impromptu performance.

Needless to say, there was plenty of entertainment to be had as the cold months stretched on and the snow began to fall.

After a while, Barry even pulled out an old gaming console from the few boxes he had yet to unpack. He set it all up in the living room and offered to teach Caitlin. She had just hummed in reply and played along as he explained to her how the controller worked.

They decided to play against each other at first, Barry clearly trying to go easy on her. She threw the first round on purpose, only to completely obliterate him in the second. Barry stared on in shock as the 'game over' pop up appeared on the screen. Caitlin held it together at first, but found she couldn't stop herself from giggling.

"You've done this before!" Barry accused, mouth agape.

By then, she was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. Finally, she collected herself long enough to speak. "There have been times in my life where I've practically lived with Cisco," she told him, "of course I know how to play video games."

Suddenly, Caitlin grew quiet, memories of her now unreachable friend flooding back. She had thought about how much she missed him before, of course she had, but full depth of it hadn't quite hit until that moment. He was her friend, her family, and in many ways the brother she never had.

Barry seemed to feel a similar sentiment, or at least pick up on her's, because he had yet to say anything either. So that was how they sat for a good two minutes, in a heavy memorial of silence.

"I really miss him," Caitlin eventually said, barely audible.

"Me too," Barry admitted, knowing exactly who she meant.

There was another pause.

"What do you think he's doing right now?" Barry smiled, a faraway look in his eyes.

"Probably trying to find a way to get us out," she reasoned. "Or napping on one of the gurneys in the med bay."

She chuckled softly to herself, images of him splayed out and drooling flickering through her mind.

Barry breathed out a laugh as well, saying he was sure that there wasn't anywhere that Cisco couldn't take a nap. One time he had even found him drunkenly asleep on top of a fridge, muttering something about the house being a nightmare.

"We'll see him again," Barry seemed surprisingly optimistic, "I know we will. And when we do we can tell him how poor of an imitation his Speed Force counterpart is."

Caitlin smiled at the thought, both a warmth and a longing spreading through her chest.

"Wanna play again?" She offered, nodding towards the screen. "Or should I say, lose again," she added, feeling uncharacteristically cheeky.

"You're so on, Dr. Snow."

Time seemed to pass a little quicker after that. Perhaps it was a side effect of the days getting shorter and the nights growing longer. Or maybe it was simply because they were finally getting adjusted to their new world. Regardless, before they knew it, the year was coming to a close and Christmas time was upon them.

By then, several layers of snow coated the ground, and everywhere they turned there were festivities and hot cocoa to be found.

It was a bittersweet time for the both of them. On one hand, it was their first Christmas together in their new place_, _but on the other, it would also be a Christmas spent away from their friends and family. Likely the first of many.

To the Speed Force's credit, it seemed to have caught on and had done a pretty good job of leaving them alone and allowing them to live their pseudo-anthropophobic lives in peace.

They received no cards, presents, or phone calls, nothing to remind them of those they so obviously didn't want to be reminded of.

During that time, neither Caitlin nor Barry really speculated much about what the others in the real world were doing for the holiday. Instead, they chose to throw themselves into planning their own dinner and decorating.

When it came to decorations, Caitlin had always been a minimalist. She would usually get a small store-bought tree and exactly one roll of twinkling lights. Something to add a festive flair, but not completely transform the space.

Barry, however, was the exact opposite. By the time it was all said and done, there was very little of the house that wasn't decked out with some form of tinsel, lights, or tiny holiday ceramics. Caitlin thought about commenting several times on how their house looked like it had been vandalized by Santa's elves, but in the end, she kept it to herself. It seemed to be making Barry happy, and that was all Caitlin truly wanted.

She even tried to pitch in and offered to pick up a boxed Christmas tree from the store. Barry had gasped in wide-eyed horror and acted as though having a _fake_ tree was some kind of sacrilege.

"Trees are made of wood, not plastic, Cait," he chastised good-naturedly while pouring himself a glass of egg nog.

Caitlin only rolled her eyes, a slight smile on her lips. She was having a very hard time taking him seriously on account of the elf-themed hat he was wearing.

"Well, every tree that I've ever had was plastic," Caitlin countered from her spot at the kitchen bar. It was meant to be a defense but actually ended up sounding a bit sad when she said it out loud.

It wasn't that she had anything against real Christmas trees, it was simply that it wasn't something that had been done when she was growing up. Even when her dad was around, celebrations at her house had always been very small and understated. Neither of her parents had ever really had the time to spend even an afternoon decorating and they certainly had never gone and hauled home an actual tree. Then, after her dad's supposed death, festivities of any kind became almost nonexistent.

It was only because of Cisco and Ronnie that Caitlin even began decorating again, and even then it was still the same minimalistic style that had been ingrained in her from childhood.

Barry turned to look at her, her previous words sinking in. A small array of very subtle emotions flashed across his face. First surprise and perhaps a bit of sadness, then a few others that she couldn't quite place. Then he finally settled on one in particular. _Determination_.

Barry disappeared with a surge of lightning, only to immediately reappear in front of Caitlin, now donning a coat and gloves, and holding her own winter wear in hand.

"Where are we going?" Caitlin eyed him suspiciously as she stood, slipping into the jacket that Barry held open for her.

"We—" Barry answered, choosing to bundle her scarf around her himself, "—are going to get you your first real Christmas tree."

"I appreciate it, I do, but it's really not that big of a deal. You don't have to do it on account of me," Caitlin assured, accepting the mittens he offered her nonetheless.

"Maybe. But I want to," Barry replied with a shrug. "You deserve to have a proper, _real_ Christmas tree. Even if it's not _technically_ real," he added sincerely.

Caitlin only smiled at him softly, a fond warmth flowing through her.

After that, Barry placed her blue snowflake beanie on her head, and slipped his arms behind her legs, lifting her up into an all too familiar carry. She fit into his arms as neatly and securely as always, the action filing her with both excitement and ease. Yet, as much as Caitlin truly enjoyed their high-speed trips, she knew she had better bring up a very obvious error in his apparent plan.

"Barry," Caitlin's voice halted him as he prepared to speed off.

"Yeah?" He paused and turned his head, his nose lightly brushing the side of her face. She felt her stomach flutter.

"How are you going to carry both me and the Christmas tree home?" She pointed out.

Barry paused for a moment. "Right," he realized, putting her down a bit sheepishly.

His warmth disappeared along with his touch, much to Caitlin's disappointment. There was a brief lapse of awkward silence.

"So, driving?" He inquired, running a hand over the back of his neck.

"Driving," she confirmed, already reaching for the keys.

After the proclaimed Tree Incident was concluded, their days were filled with even more decorating as well as a massive shopping trip. They had planned out all the recipes and got the ingredients accordingly.

Caitlin volunteered to cook the dinner, but Barry had insisted on helping. So as a result, they decided to split the work between them. Caitlin would make the turkey, the pies, and cookies, while Barry would handle all the sides and the casseroles.

They spent the whole of Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day in the kitchen, cooking and laughing to the tune of holiday music. Barry would occasionally sing along to Jingle Bells and bob his head, flat out refusing to take off the ridiculous reindeer antlers and bells he wore. Most likely because he knew they made Caitlin laugh.

About mid-afternoon they decided to take a break and watch A Christmas Story and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. They both curled up on the couch, warm mugs of hot cocoa in hand.

After dinner, Barry inevitably nodded off, as he always did after holiday meals. Surprisingly, Caitlin began to feel drowsy herself and ended up drifting away not long after.

However, before sleep engulfed her, she managed to hang on long enough to retrieve Barry's present out of hiding and nestle it beneath the tree. They hadn't really talked about presents or what the other wanted, but there was no way Caitlin was going to not get Barry a present, especially when he had (conveniently, for her) ran out of books to read in his personal stockpile.

Actually keeping his present a secret had proved to be a tricky task, especially since he regularly turned the whole of the house upside down both searching for and hiding their Elf On A Shelf. She had managed though, and when the time came was able to retrieve it with relative ease.

When Caitlin awoke the sky outside was dark, a fresh blanket of snow gently coating the driveway and sidewalk. The living room was also dimmer than it had been when she fell asleep, the space now lit only by the soft glow of the twinkling lights and the Christmas tree.

Barry was up and sitting in one of the chairs across from the couch, a fresh mug of cocoa in one hand and a tablet in the other.

"You know, that's bad for your vision," Caitlin chided gently as she sat up, rubbing the last bit of grogginess from her eyes.

"But my eyes heal," Barry pointed out, his face lit only by the glow of the screen.

Caitlin sucked in an exasperated breath, an entire catalog of reasons why that wasn't a valid argument just on the edge of her lips.

"Ok, ok," Barry relented quickly, sensing the oncoming lecture. "You win, Dr. Snow," he added, pointedly reaching over and flipping the lamp next to him on.

"I haven't been sitting here for long anyway," he began to reassure, but Caitlin wasn't sure she bought it.

She spared a quick glance at the small space below the Christmas tree, wondering if Barry had noticed or opened his present yet. It was then that she became aware of two things. One, the rectangular box that housed Barry's present was still tucked neatly in place, and two, there was now another square box sitting right next to it, large blue snowflakes adorning the wrapping paper.

Caitlin looked back up at Barry, her eyebrows raised. He was doing his best to appear occupied with the tablet and oblivious, but the grin that he was failing to conceal behind his mug betrayed him.

"Barry..." Caitlin began.

"Yes, Dr. Snow," he finally looked up at her, an ill-concealed twinkle in his eyes

"What's that square box beneath the tree?" She inquired, tilting her head to the side.

"Beats me," Barry only shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching a little.

"Uh, huh," Caitlin hummed, unconvinced.

"What about that rectangular one with the reindeer?" Barry asked knowingly.

"I haven't the faintest idea," she played along, trying (and failing) to seem indifferent.

There was a pause.

"You think we should open them and find out?" Barry was no longer able then contain the broad grin that engulfed his features.

"Absolutely," Caitlin replied, donning a playful smile of her own.

They both rose from their respective seats and retrieved the presents, afterwards plopping down on the couch beside each other.

"Ladies first," Barry offered, gesturing towards the box.

"Nope," Caitlin shook her head, setting her present atop her crossed legs. "Your's was under the tree first, so you should open it first."

Barry leaned towards her a little, giving a look of mock suspicion. "Wait a minute, I thought you didn't have any idea what it was?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Just open it."

Barry conceded, reaching down and beginning to tear away the wrapping paper. Caitlin watched him expectantly, hoping she had made the right call with the items she had picked. To her great relief, Barry's eyes lit up as soon as he saw what was concealed beneath the papers. She had selected him a variety of Sci-Fi and epic fantasy novels, and had even managed to get him a copy of a new series he had been talking about even before the Crisis.

Barry's grin broadened as he went through them, looking a little bit like a kid that had just been handed a whole bag of sweets.

"You like them?" Caitlin inquired hopefully.

"I _love_ them," Barry expressed, genuine excitement radiating from him. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to read these," he informed, holding up his new paperbacks.

"I just noticed you were running out of reading material."

"Thank you, Caitlin. Really," he added, leveling a sincere gaze with hers.

Barry gently set his books down on the coffee table before scooting back onto the couch, angling himself towards her. "Your turn," he declared excitedly.

It was at about that point Caitlin began to take note of the size and structure of her present. Rather than enclosed in wrapping paper, it was simply a patterned box held shut by a blue glittery ribbon. It was also rather large, which filled Caitlin with varying contradictory emotions. On one hand, she was absolutely flattered, but on the other, she genuinely hoped that Barry hadn't gone to too much trouble on her account.

Slowly, delicately, she began to untie the ribbon, the silky material sliding through her fingers. She let the ribbon fall beside her and lifted the lid, beaming when she saw what was hidden beneath it. Inside was a decorative wicker basket with an array of her favorite soaps, bath bombs, facials, as well as various spa products nestled within.

"Ta-da," Barry sang softly as she began to look through it, "your spa day in a box."

She looked back up at him, smiling warmly at the amount of care and thought he had obviously put into her present. "Thank you, Barry, this is very sweet. I love it."

"I figured you could use some relaxation time," he shrugged a little awkwardly, running a hand over the back of his neck. "You deserve it for having to constantly be stuck with me."

"I appreciate it. But you know I don't think of it that way," she reminded.

"Still."

A beat of silence followed, Barry's gaze slowly sliding to the floor. She watched him for a moment, the full implications of what he had said occurring to her.

"Barry," she began, pulling him back from the edge of the abysmal faraway look in his eyes, "I don't regret coming here with you, you know that right?"

His eyes snapped back to her, a strangely vulnerable air about him. Yet, at the same time, it was all too familiar; the last time she had seen him that way was just before he had broken down in her med bay.

"Not even a little?" He asked, his voice raw and barely audible.

"Not even a little," she affirmed, reaching across the couch to gently take his hand in hers. He loosened the fist he had balled his knuckles into at his side, allowing her fingers to slide through his.

"And I'm not _stuck with you_, I chose to be here, remember?" She assured, quietly and genuinely. "It was my decision to come here and I haven't once regretted it. And if I got to do it all over again, I would make the same decision every time."

Barry swallowed thickly and nodded, a wordless understanding in his eyes. It was then that Caitlin took the opportunity to pull him into a hug. Barry wrapped his arms tightly around her and tucked his head into the crook of her neck.

"Merry Christmas, Cait," he whispered softly into her hair.

"Merry Christmas, Barry," she echoed, a warm smiling spreading across her lips

...

For Caitlin Snow, the cool and crisp day of February the 4th began like any other. She awoke to the sound of her alarm clock and quickly reached over to her nightstand to silence it. Afterward, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stretched her stiff muscles, feeling groggy, yet still well-rested.

Beams of golden morning light had begun to peek through the window curtains, casting its shards along the carpeted floor. Caitlin stood and slipped on her fuzzy blue slippers, then started the task of making her bed. Across the room, Barry had begun to grumble and groan, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"You know you don't actually have to get up at the crack of dawn, right?" He slurred, words further muffled by the pillow he had wrapped around his head. "You could show up to work at noon and they'd probably just tell you to be happy."

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I _like_ getting up in the morning?" She inquired, shaking her head at the noise of horror and disgust that statement elicited.

"That can't be healthy, Cait," Barry mumbled as she pulled her comforter tidily over the sleep-tussled sheets. "Mornings are for sleeping," he added.

"Mornings are for breakfast," she countered, putting the finishing touches on her bed.

"Breakfast?" He perked up at that, his messy hair and sleepy eyes finally emerging from the fortress of pillows and blankets.

Caitlin cracked a slight smile, having known the promise of food would be enough to flush him out.

"Come on, it's my turn to cook today," she reminded, tossing him his own pair of flash red slippers.

Breakfast consisted of omelets, toast, and a side of orange juice. They ate at the kitchen bar, the room alit with pale filtered sunshine, and talked about their plans for the week.

There was a time when perhaps they might have read the paper, or even watched the local news, but they had long since gotten out of that habit, seeing as it was basically pointless here. In the Speed Force, there were no crises, nor violent crimes, or natural disasters, or any real news of interest. There was only a thinly veiled facade. There was no need for the Flash, or any superheroes for that matter.

Though, sometimes Barry still liked to go on patrol, just to remember what it was like to be the Flash. To remember the feeling of the wind rushing past his face, knowing that he had the power to make a difference in the world. Here he had no such power, not really, neither of them did.

After they finished eating, they took turns in the bathroom getting ready for work. Within 30 minutes Caitlin was showered, dressed, and ready to head out the door. Barry too emerged from upstairs just as she finished slipping on a pair of flats, his satchel, and jacket in hand. She was eying her car keys in contemplation when Barry spoke up, tugging her attention back to him.

"Hey, if you want I can speed you to work today," he offered, sliding his jacket over his shoulders. "I found a new route to the university yesterday that goes right by your clinic."

"As tempting as that is, I was actually thinking about walking," she informed, her tone light. "The weather seems nice, and it would be good to get some fresh air."

Barry made a face at that, then shrugged bashfully as soon as he realized she saw it.

"You do know what walking is, right?" She teased, crossing her arms and moving closer.

Barry opened his mouth to stammer a reply.

"Not running," she clarified, "_walking_."

He let out a tiny scoff. "I walk all the time," he replied, his eyes looking at anywhere but her.

She only hummed skeptically and nodded in reply.

"I do!" He defended, the pitch of his voice higher than normal. "In fact, I'm gonna walk to work with you right now," he declared, crossing his own arms and sticking his nose up in defiance.

He looked kind of like a disgruntled child.

Caitlin breathed out a quiet chuckle and shook her head. "Barry, I'm just kidding." She let the playful act drop, feeling a little bad for making him squirm. "You can go to work at whatever speed you want," she assured patting his arm lightly.

He looked at her for a moment, an unreadable look in eyes.

"Nope," he shook his head after a beat, moving across the room and opening the door for her, "You're stuck with me now," he added, his tone as teasing as hers had previously been.

"My favorite place to be," the words fell from her lips before she could stop them.

Caitlin suddenly had the urge to cover mouth, or maybe her entire face. Lately, she had been finding that happening more often then she'd like; things that she would normally keep to herself just slipping out. It was a double-edged sword, because, while it was nice to feel so at ease and comfortable around him again, it was also veering into dangerous territory. Territory that was better left alone, locked away deep within the depths of her heart and soul. She couldn't go there, not fully. Not now, nor ever.

Whether Barry reacted or simply turned as red as she suspected her checks had, she couldn't tell. She was too busy averting her gaze, grabbing her purse, and scurrying out the door at a speed any Flash would be jealous of.

Despite the awkward start, the walk was actually a very pleasant one. They took the new route Barry had discovered, and turns out, it was actually quite scenic. The morning air was brisk but not too cold, a light breeze occasionally sweeping over them. It was also overcast, but not in a dreary way, the sun periodically peeking out to provide its warmth.

After about fifteen minutes, both Barry and Caitlin had once again settled into their usual, relaxed demeanor. The previous tension had melted away, or, at the very least, settled into the distant backdrop where it belonged. Instead, they walked side by side with an effortless ease, Caitlin's arm looped around Barry's.

They would talk and chat, then lapsed into a comfortable silence, enjoying the company and their surroundings.

It was at about the halfway point to the clinic when one specific thing that Caitlin had been trying hard to ignore became unavoidable. It had been looming on the horizon for a good five minutes, tall and towering and filled with memories.

It was when they passed the closest to it that Caitlin caught her attention drifting to the large circular building. Her eyes roaming over all the details she could never forget, and her mind replaying all the memories she didn't want to. Had she known this new route would take them so close to S.T.A.R. Labs, she would have suggested another one.

Caitlin hadn't been this close to the lab in a good half a year, and she hadn't expected the rush of nostalgia it brought. Not only for the people that had resided there but also for the atmosphere. Yes, Caitlin was a doctor, and the clinic was more than adequate, but she was also a scientist at heart. A scientist that missed the facilities, and the equipment, and all the tests and experiments to be run.

She loved to look at the world around her, and figure out what made it tick. It was simply in her nature, it was in the nature of anyone who had ever been asked to work at that lab.

"You too?" Barry's voice cut through the contemplative trance she was in.

"What?" She answered vacantly, his question catching her off guard.

"You miss it too," he clarified, nodding his head towards the building. "I mean I run by it sometimes, but until yesterday it didn't really hit me. You know?" He glanced at her and then the building, squinted his eyes as the sun came out, the rays getting caught in his hair.

"I do," she agreed, her voice a soft inflection. "Truthfully, I don't think I could go in there now, I don't want to see that version of Cisco or Ralph. That's not how I want to remember them. But I do miss it, the lab. I miss having a lab to go to."

Barry echoed the sentiment with a nod and matched her pace as they walked, arms still intertwined. Neither of them said a word after that, mostly because they didn't need to. If there was anybody who understood just how Caitlin felt, it was Barry. And if there was anybody who understood just how Barry felt, it was Caitlin.

When they arrived at the clinic Caitlin finally released his arm, only for him to close the distance and wrap her in a brief, but reaffirming hug. She waved him goodbye, and he promised to call her after lunch.

The rest of the day passed pretty mundanely, (not that the Speed Force ever gave Caitlin anything too serious to work with anyway) which, unfortunately, gave her plenty of time to contemplate what had once been her life.

Now, that wasn't to say that she had any regrets, as she had told Barry time and time again that she didn't. But there were still certain aspects of their old world that she missed, they both did, and likely always would. In this certain instance, she found herself missing not only the place she had worked for over seven years but also the luxury of simply having a lab to work in.

However, she knew this was all just a bout of nostalgia; it was like hearing an old song that you used to listen to when you were younger and hadn't heard in years. With its melody, it would bring a rush of memories and feelings, but, like everything, Caitlin knew these feelings would eventually pass. They had made the conscious decision to distance themselves from all that, and it was a decision Caitlin had appreciated every day since.

Before the day was over, she resolved not to mention S.T.A.R. Labs again, and honestly wouldn't have, had it not been for Barry. The subject had ended up rearising later that evening over dinner. The pair had been sitting in the living room with their respective share of homemade tacos, and watching an old movie that Cisco used to love.

They hadn't really talked much, engrossed not only in the meal but also in the movie (in spite of the cheesy special effects). It wasn't until after Barry finished off the last of his guacamole that he spoke up, catching Caitlin by surprise.

"We don't really use the garage, do we?" His words were equal parts musing and inquiry.

Caitlin wasn't exactly sure what he was getting at, but she decided to take the bait anyway.

"Not really. I prefer to park in the driveway," she informed, biting her lip with slight hesitancy. "It's quicker."

Barry shook his head in reply, stuffing a chip in his mouth. The tiny creased wrinkles on his forehead told her he was thinking, working through an idea or problem in his mind. He used to get the same look when a difficult case would land on his desk, or when he was trying to figure out the identity of a new meta. She could practically see the gears turning inside his head.

Caitlin was preparing to inquire why he had asked when Barry again started to speak, absently this time. "It's a big garage," he supplied in a seemingly directionless way.

If Caitlin's interest hadn't already been piqued, that certainly had done it, if only because this wasn't something that Barry had ever really talked about or shown interest in before. They usually just used the garage for extra storage.

"Barry," she said, her naturally mellifluous voice recapturing his attention. "What are you thinking about?" She stated plainly, knowing it was the best way to get him to explain exactly what he had already begun to plan.

He looked back at her, his forehead still creased and his head tilted slightly.

"What if we converted the garage to a lab?" He proposed, the ghost of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Caitlin was pretty sure she felt her heart leap a bit in her chest, sparks of unusually giddy excitement flying within her.

"You're serious?" She all but blurted, a hopeful pitch in her tone.

"Yeah. I mean, there's plenty of room and we hardly ever use it anyway," he reasoned, shrugging as he did. "It wouldn't be S.T.A.R. Labs, but it would be something. What do you say?"

A bright smile spread across her lips, vibrant white peeking out from beneath soft pink. "I would love that."

"Me too," he admitted, an air of excitement beginning to show through in his demeanor.

"I'm just not sure where we'd get the equipment," he had once again turned contemplative. "Not without having to talk to 'Cisco'."

"We could probably get most of it from one of the spare storage rooms at the lab. There's tons of unused equipment in there, and we likely wouldn't run into anybody in that part of the building anyway," she informed as she pivoted forward and set her plate down on the coffee table.

"There is?" He seemed both pleasantly surprised and profoundly shocked.

"Wait a minute, you're telling me that that Bartholomew Henry Allen, the _owner_ of the S.T.A.R. Laboratories didn't know we had stored equipment?" She gasped in false admonishment.

"It's a big building," he mumbled under his breath.

Caitlin just smiled and leaned over to steal a tortilla chip off his plate.

For the next week and a half, both Barry and Caitlin spent most of their spare time cleaning out the garage and steadily shuttling equipment from the lab to the house. They started with small stuff, microscopes and chemicals, and anything else that wouldn't require any heavy lifting, and slowly worked their way up to the bigger stuff.

They worked out a configuration for the space on day one, and set to work establishing specialized areas for the both of them. Barry's section consisted of long metal shelving units of chemicals and a forensic station, various whiteboards decorating the walls. Caitlin's was a med bay (complete with a gurney and a defibrillator) as well a small desk with a computer nestled alongside it.

The other two corners of the large square room was devoted to general equipment and a small speed lab. They even managed to get Barry's treadmill with it.

Needless to say, it was a very welcomed and well-used addition to the house. It was just another thing that made it feel like home, a home that they could happily live in for any amount of the foreseeable future.

But of course, no matter how content they could feel in one moment, the Speed Force had a bad habit of shattering their frail sense of reality in the next. It wasn't intentional, Caitlin knew this. She wasn't exactly sure how far the sentience of the Speed Force went, but she could understand that on some level it was alive. It had changed its attitude towards Barry many times based upon his actions. For now, it seemed to be somewhat complacent towards Barry and by extension, herself. It was trying; it had constructed this whole reality for them, a world in which they could live their lives and pass the time when the option of doing so in their home world was no longer available. However, in the end, it still wasn't real, and the ways in which this basic fact would assert it's validity could often be jarring.

Perhaps the most jarring way had occurred early one evening while Caitlin was knee-deep in testing samples. She had gotten home just a bit before Barry and decided to break down a few of her specimens in a batch of concentrated hydrochloric acid.

She was clad in a lab coat, gloves, and clear safety glasses, humming softly as she moved about the lab, entirely at ease and in her element. It was something she had done a million times, and each time it had gone off without a hitch. Until that day, that is.

Caitlin had been in the process of carrying a tray of samples from one side of the lab to the other when it happened. Just as she moved by the door that connected the house to the garage, it was flung open and an oblivious Barry came walking through. His body collided hers before she could react and the tray she'd been carrying hit the floor an instant later, the contents scattered in all directions. But the most alarming thing of all was the wide splatter of colorless liquid as the beaker of acid smacked against the concrete.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," apologies spilled from Barry's lips, his eyes still wide with shock. "I am so sorry!"

He quickly began to stoop down and attempt to help her pick up her samples, but Caitlin's mind had long moved past that. Instead, her brain was now shifting into overdrive as she caught sight of the large splashed droplets burning holes through Barry's jeans and shirt.

"Barry, Barry!" She stopped him, her hand darting out to touch his shoulder. She did her best to sound urgent, but also maintain a mask of calm. "That was hydrochloric acid, you need to get it cleaned off of you. _Right now_."

She watched her words sink in and realization dawn across his features as he glanced down at himself. In a flash he was gone, the gust blowing Caitlin's hair back. She then stepped over the fallen contents of the tray and followed after him as quick as any non-speedster could, briefly inspecting herself for any acid droplets.

The next twenty minutes were comprised mostly of Caitlin standing outside the bathroom as Barry showered, giving him instructions through the door.

"You know I used to work with chemicals every day, right?" His voice was muffled by both the closed entrance and the running water, but somehow she could still hear the slight smile in his words.

"I know, but I'm still your doctor," she replied, her arms crossed as she leaned against the frame.

Besides that, she couldn't in good conscience simply leave him to it, not when it was pretty much her fault anyway. Now because of her slow reaction time, he would likely be dealing with painful burns for the next several hours.

"I'm really sorry, Barry," she spoke up after a beat, the statement carrying an undertone of the guilt she felt.

"It wasn't your fault," his echo of a voice immediately began to assure. "I should have been watching where I was going."

"Yes, but if I had been faster..."

"You're not the Flash, Cait," he called through the door. "I am, and even I didn't see it coming."

He was right, she knew he was, but she also knew that while his words helped she would only truly feel better once she took a look at the damage herself.

Once Barry was finished, Caitlin immediately ushered him back down to the med bay and began to inspect the areas where the acid had made contact. To her great surprise, there were no visible burns (yet).

"And you're sure you aren't feeling any pain whatsoever," she questioned for the third time, prodding gently at a patch of exposed skin on his abdomen.

"I don't feel anything out of the ordinary." He shrugged from where he sat on the edge of the gurney. "I didn't even realize it had splattered on me."

Caitlin furrowed her brow incredulously as she stepped back, peeling off her rubber medical gloves.

"Your healing factor should be kicking in already, but we'll need to keep a close eye on it for the rest of the evening," she concluded firmly.

Barry nodded as he let the hem of his tee-shirt drop. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, just in case you got any on you," he suggested, hopping off the makeshift examination table.

Caitlin shook her head, absently biting her lip. "I need to neutralize that and get it cleaned up," she nodded towards the small puddles of clear, volatile liquid still pooled on the floor.

"I'll do it," he offered easily.

Caitlin shook her head and was about to object, but Barry cut her off, taking a step closer.

"I know my chemicals, remember? Basically a chemist," he made sure to keep his tone light, likely in an attempt to soothe her frayed nerves.

"I know but—"

"But, everything is alright," he reassured, making a point of catching her gaze. "_I'm alright_," he moved a little closer, running his hands gently down the sides of her rigidly crossed arms.

"Alright?" He said with a bit more humor in his eyes.

Caitlin laughed softly at the deliberate repetitiveness, shaking her head and looking down, her hair falling in front of her eyes. She felt her posture begin to relax, her tightly woven arms loosening a bit

"Everything is fine," he repeated with more sincerity. "I promise."

She nodded slowly and looked back up at him, only then realizing just how close they were standing. She also became acutely aware of the gentle, ground hold he had on her arm, her skin feeling like fire beneath his touch.

"You'll tell me immediately if you start to feel any pain or discomfort?" She asked, a small part of her protesting as she moved back to put some distance between them, his arm dropping from where it had been resting.

"Cross my heart," he promised.

As the evening progressed, Barry still showed no signs of burning or skin damage, and Caitlin was simultaneously relieved and perplexed. Eventually, they agreed they were both hungry and made their way to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. They made it together that night, whoever's turn it was to cook long forgotten.

The sound of sizzling and soft music filled the air as the pair expertly moved around each other, navigating the kitchen as they had countless times. Caitlin moved back over to the burner and flipped the hamburgers, while Barry stood a few feet away, chopping up vegetables on a cutting board.

As the aroma of spices and beef slowly wafted through the warm kitchen, Caitlin caught her thoughts drifting to the events of the previous hour. Her mind searching for the answers to questions it had raised within her.

"What's wrong?" Barry pulled her back to reality, a knowing inflection carried within his words.

"Nothing. Why?" Caitlin shook her head, her eyes snapping to him.

"Your lip," he spoke without looking up from his task.

She immediately stopped her nervous tick, clearing her throat awkwardly.

Barry breathed out a soft chuckle. "What is it?"

Caitlin once again flipped the patties, the source of her puzzlement coming to the forefront of her mind. "It's just—that acid was highly concentrated. I'm thankful it didn't hurt you, but even with your cell regeneration rate, it should have."

Barry stopped cutting at that and turned around, his back leaning against the granite counter. "You're right," he agreed, grimacing.

It was then that another realization entered Caitlin's head. "Come to think of it, when was the last time you even got hurt?"

He had to stop and consider it. "Not since we got here. Which, admittedly, has got to be some kind of record for me."

She loved him to pieces, but he was right. From what Joe had told her, he had been a bit of a klutz even before his powers; always getting bruises or scrapped knees. After his powers was a whole new level entirely, one that Caitlin had been dealing with first hand for the better part of six years.

"Huh," Barry gave a low hum, his brow creased. "That is kind of odd."

Caitlin nodded along and turned back to her burner, still deep in thought.

Barry started to turn back around too, but then he stopped, his eyes drifting to the knife in his hand. "Cait, I have a bad idea," he admitted, her ears immediately perking up.

"What is it?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

He seemed to think about it for a moment more, then he gave an apologetic grimace before taking the knife and jabbing it firmly into the palm of his hand.

"Barry!" Caitlin practically screeched.

He then let off the pressure and turned his hand towards her, the only visible mark being a light indentation.

"This thing is razor-sharp," he informed, nodding towards his pile of chopped vegetables.

Caitlin's previous horror steadily faded and was replaced with that of confusion. "That's...not normal."

"What is we, or at least I, can't get hurt here?" He hypothesized.

"I mean—" she began, looking just as bewildered as he felt — "it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility, but we can't just make assumptions like that. Any number of factors could be at play. Maybe you have calloused hands?"

She knew that wasn't the case the moment she said it, she had held his hand enough times to know better. He had surprisingly soft hands...but that was beside the point.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you any warning before, but I want to try someone else," he spoke slowly and carefully. "Will you be okay?"

She looked at him for a long moment, her features no doubt betraying her. She could never condone him putting himself in harm's way, particularly when it wasn't absolutely necessary. But it was clear from the look in his eyes that he wasn't going to be able to let this go until he knew the answer for sure. She managed a slow nod, already mentally cataloging where the nearest first aid kit was.

Barry gave her what was meant to be a reassuring look, then put his right foot forward and held the knife above it. Caitlin felt her stomach drop and brought her hands up to cover her eyes so quickly she nearly smacked herself. Which, in retrospect, was actually kind of pointless, since she was still peeking through the cracks of her fingers.

Barry held the knife above his foot for a second longer, before releasing it. She squeezed her eyes shut on instinct, expecting to hear a clatter or a cry of pain. It never came, instead, all that could be heard was Barry's astonished voice. She opened her eyes at that, mouth gaping at the sight before her. The knife had stopped midway through its fall and was hovering, suspended above Barry's foot.

"That's—that's impossible," Caitlin blurted, moving to get a closer look.

She inspected the floating blade from all angles and even ran her hand over the top and underneath it. After they both had thoroughly examined it, Barry moved his foot out of the way and the knife clattered to the floor.

"This is huge," he exclaimed with wide-eyed astonishment. "We have to see how far this goes."

He was right, it was a big discovery and it did need to be tested, but Caitlin still wasn't sure how comfortable she was with that. Maybe it was her feelings towards him getting the better of her, or maybe it was simply the fact that she had dedicated so much time over the years to making sure he didn't get injured, that helping him attempt to do so went against everything that she was.

Regardless, she still ended up right beside him the next day, standing at the edge of the freeway as the morning traffic blurred by.

"This is a bad idea," Caitlin had to yell over the onslaught of speeding cars.

She didn't want him to do what he was about to do, not with taking any precautions. She had told him so, but he wasn't listening.

"It'll be fine," Barry assured. "You saw what happened with the knife, I have a feeling this won't be any different. If this works, it will just be more evidence to support our theory. This would mean that the Speed Force is basically child-proofed."

For some reason, his words made Caitlin's blood boil in a way that she hadn't felt since his early days of becoming the Flash. Maybe it was his confidence, or carelessness, or utter lack of regard for his own safety. Maybe it was because if he was wrong and he could get hurt, he could also die and leave her there all alone. (That was a selfish reason, but in some ways, his behavior was a little bit selfish too.)

Suddenly, she felt like that young, damaged woman again, the one that would lose it a little every time Barry neglected his own life. And suddenly he reminded her of that young heedless speedster, the one that came crashing into her life and made her want to simultaneously hug him and throttle him.

It made her want to yell and wave her arms in the air, she wanted to grab his shoulders and shake some sense into him. She didn't do any of those things though, instead, she decided maybe the best way to make her point would be to turn the tables.

"Alright then. If you're sure, then I'll do it," she stated, stepping up to the edge of the road without warning.

"What?" She watched his face fall and go pale.

"I'll do it," Caitlin repeated, a false lightness to her tone. "Like you said, it's no big deal."

"No, no, no," he began to protest, gloved hands reaching towards her. "We don't even know if it will work with you."

"Then we'll find out," she inched closer to the pavement. "And if it works, this will just be more evidence to support our theory."

Barry was starting to freak out now, his hands frantically gesturing for her to step away. "Cait, please just come back, this is a bad idea."

"This is _your_ idea," she countered, shooting him a sharp look.

Barry was taken back at first by the sudden harshness in her voice. "Oh—" he realized, "—_oh_, you're mad at me, aren't you?"

"A little, yes!" She hissed, turned back around, arms crossed.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry, I know you aren't comfortable with this and shouldn't have kept pushing the issue and ignoring that." He acknowledged, a regretful look on his features.

She let out a quiet, yet heavy sigh, her breath still visible in the cool morning air. She glanced down, and absently shifted her foot in the gravely pebbles. "It's not just that, Barry. Have you even considered what might happen if you're wrong? What if you do get hurt? _What if you get killed_?"

"Barry, I don't know what I'd—" her voice cracked and she stopped, taking a breath and attempting in vain to swallow down the emotions. "I don't know how I would—" Caitlin let her words trail off into oblivion, opting instead to close her eyes and count to three, willing the tears away.

When she reopened them, Barry was looking at her in a way that reminded her of a kicked puppy, or maybe it was how somebody else would look at a kicked puppy. Either way, she could tell she had gotten through; he understood now.

But just how much did he understand? She hoped she wasn't that transparent, she hoped she hadn't given too much of herself away. Neither of them needed to go anywhere near that can of worms. They were both faithful people. He was faithful to his wife, and she was faithful to her morals.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he spoke, his words low and sincere. "You're right, and I'm sorry. I would never do that to you. I _will_ never do that to you. I won't leave you here alone, no matter what. I promise you, Caitlin," he vowed, his eyes getting as misty as hers had moments before.

Caitlin nodded quickly and genuinely, not trusting her voice.

"Now please come back," he pleaded, reaching his hand out once more. "We can forget all about this."

Caitlin briefly regarded him before drawing in a deep breath, allowing her emotions a second to regulate. She then shook her head. "No, you're right. This is a phenomenon, and it needs to be studied and tested. We are still scientists, after all."

"Yes, but we need a failsafe," he argued.

"Barry, you're a walking, or should I say running, failsafe. Even at your slowest, you could still move faster than any car," she pointed out with an amused smile.

"Right," he nearly facepalmed. "Just tell me when you're ready and I'll go into flashtime, if any of the cars come to close I'll get you out of there."

"In a New York minute?" She teased lightly.

"In a New York second," he gave a playful wink.

Caitlin was unable to resist the soft smile that overtook her face. After that, she turned her attention back to the freeway, the never-ending flow of cars creating small breezes as they passed. She braced herself, then counted down aloud from three.

The moment she set foot on the asphalt, the cars began to swerve and course correct, but not in a chaotic way. Instead, they all moved in perfect unison, carving a neat path around her as she made her way to the center of the road. Slowly, she turned back to face Barry, a triumphant and mystified look in her eyes. He was beaming.

Then, steadily he began to move towards her, making his way through the flow of cars as unharmed as she had. When he got there he took her hand in his, his touch solid and reaffirming. They stayed there for several minutes, watching as the flow of traffic moved flawlessly around them.

It went on like that for weeks. They set up countless failsafes and tested countless different scenarios. Each time they came up with the same results; the Speed Force simply would not allow them to get hurt. Sometimes it's methods would be as blatant as bending the laws of physics around them, or as elaborate as making a truck full of pillows and cotton candy drive below them just as they leapt off the edge of a building. Either way, any accidents or deliberate attempts would be thwarted every time.

As they continued to push the limits of their current dimension, they inevitably found themselves looking for a way out. No matter what they thought they knew about the future, or how resigned they were to it, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Inaction had never been a strong suit for either of them.

At first, Caitlin wasn't really sure how the Speed Force would react to their poking and prodding, or to their searching. She soon found that it didn't seem to mind, maybe because it already knew the answer to their futile quest.

In the months that followed, they tried everything and looked everywhere for some kind of dimensional gap, gateway, or backdoor. They tried every piece of breaching tech and Barry ran around the world more times than Caitlin could count. They even tried going as high into the atmosphere as they possibly could, but it yielded nothing.

In the end, after their latest failed attempt, the pair found themselves sitting on the edge of one of the towering skyscrapers of Central City. It was getting late by then, the sky morphing into hues of pink and red.

Barry scrubbed his hand across his face in frustration. He sighed and laid back on the cool concrete of the roof, resting his arm lazily on his forehead. Caitlin followed him down and stretched out beside him, staring up at the partially cloudy sky. That was how they stayed for a long while, quiet and still. She listened to the distant hum of traffic below and watched the trails of airplanes slice across the sky above.

"Barry?" She eventually said, low and soft.

"Yeah," he replied, a tired heaviness in his voice.

"I'm not saying we have to stop looking—" she paused, angling herself onto her side to look at him —"but what if the reason you never made it out in the original timeline...is because there is no way out from the inside?"

Barry took a moment to process this, exhaling a sharp breath.

"Then what?" He whispered, sounding almost defeated. Slowly, he rolled over on his side too, his body mirroring her own. "What are we supposed to do now?" He was mere inches from her, melancholy green eyes pleading for an answer.

She thought about it for a beat, really thought about it, a million possibilities flickering through her mind in a moment's time.

"We live," she whispered back, knowing in her heart it was the best answer.

He thought about it too for a while, a faint smile ghosting across his lips. They could do that. Right?

They would live; and live they did.

* * *

The room was alit with soft light, and the house was warm from the fading heat of the day. Barry sat across from her on the carpeted floor, focusing intently on the chessboard before him. His hands were clasped on top of each other, resting gently against his lips.

"Allez-vous jamais déménager, mon écarlate?" Caitlin teased, reaching across the space to reclaim her box of Chinese takeout.

"Really, you're trying to distract me by turning this into French lesson?" He raised a playful eyebrow. "C'est de la triche," Barry added.

Caitlin grinned and gave an impressed nod, momentarily putting down her box to lightly clap for him.

Barry looked at the board for a moment longer, before finally deciding on a move.

"Check," he said with a smirk.

Caitlin reached forward and slid a piece smoothly into place.

"Mate," she replied triumphantly.

"You didn't," he gasped, eyes wide.

Caitlin just threw her head back and laughed. He then grabbed one of the nearby pillows and attempted to whack her with it, which she managed to dodge despite the fact her stomach was aching from laughter.

"Tiebreaker?" Barry inquired once the mirth died down.

Caitlin nodded in reply, snatching their last fortune cookie from the bag. She cracked it open (not bothering to look at the actual fortune because it always said 'whatever makes you happy') and handed half to Barry. He popped the whole piece in his mouth and then got to work resetting all the game pieces.

As he did, something about him caught Caitlin's eyes. She wasn't really sure why it had attracted her attention in that moment, or why it had taken her so long to notice. She suddenly began to study his features intently, cataloging every line and crease, her head absently cocked to the side.

After he was finished, he looked back up at her, only to catch her staring. She didn't stop or shy away even then, instead, she looked at a little harder and leaned a little closer, her gaze fixed in concentration.

"What?" Barry asked awkwardly, a blush creeping onto his features.

"It's just—" she began quietly and with a note of fascination "—I don't think you've aged since we got here."

"Do you do that often, just ogle at me while I'm not looking?" He questioned, giving her a faux scandalized look.

"I'm serious!" Her voice was a good decibel too high as she grabbed the same pillow he had used on her moments before and took a swipe at him. "It's been five years and you look the same as the day we arrived!"

Barry let out a low chuckle at her repeated attempts to wack him. "Maybe," he conceded.

"What about me, how do I look?" She inquired, leaning her face forward to allow him a better look.

Barry seemed to freeze for a second, an unreadable expression flickering over his features and eyes.

"Caitlin, you always look beautiful," he spoke with an intense amount of sincerity.

She felt her cheeks warm. "Thank you, but I meant, have I aged any?"

"Oh," the true meaning of her question finally registered. "No, no I don't think you have either."

Caitlin wasn't sure whether she should laugh or be embarrassed. She decided to laugh, because they were long past embarrassment. They had transitioned into an area of murky gray in their relationship. There was a presence, a possibility of something more, but neither of them ever dared acknowledge it.

She loved him, and she suspected he knew it. She liked to think he loved her too, but she also knew it was either circumstantial or misinterpreted on her part. He loved her as a dear friend, as he always had, and he loved her the more because she was the only one there to love. Yet, a part of her couldn't help but wonder; if there was someone else, would he love her less?

She knew for sure that he would if they were ever to find their way home, she knew that this frail thing between them would break apart and blow away in the breeze, like a dying leaf in the autumn. She knew that what he felt towards her was a temporary thing, a ghost of what she felt for him. But she didn't dwell on that, she couldn't bring herself to. Instead, she just smiled and played another game of chess with him.

That's how they spent the rest of the evening and planned to spend the rest of the next day; simply relaxing and enjoying each other's company. It had been a long couple of weeks, and they both decided a little R&R was in order.

The next morning they ended up awaking early, but chose to stay in bed for a while and read some of Caitlin's new books that Barry had gotten her. He had sat down next to her and curled up beneath the covers, listening intently as she read.

When they did finally make it downstairs, it was Barry who offered to cook breakfast. Caitlin sat at the counter, unable to stop herself from giggling when he began to dance around the kitchen, using the spatula as a microphone.

That was when it hit her; in the five years they had been there, she had been happy, well and truly happy. Happier than she had been even before the Particle Accelerator. An instant more and she realized that even if this was all that they would ever have together, she could be content with that, and she could gladly spend a lifetime that way. She could gladly spend a lifetime with him, smiling and laughing and living their lives in the little world that had carved out for themselves.

She beamed at him as she watched his theatrical display, a warmth spreading through her chest. He was smiling as well and goofing off and just being himself. She couldn't help but think that he looked happy too.

Then, just as Barry was about to go into his big finish, a huge swirling breach appeared mere feet away. He jumped back at the suddenness, both of their faces instantly failing and music that had been playing fading into the background.

Then they heard a voice yelling their names, calling to them desperately. It sounded like Cisco. Barry set the spatula down and moved closer, Caitlin not far behind. As they drew nearer the faint outline of a person could be seen through the haze.

"Barry! Caitlin! Are you there? I can't hold this open for much longer!" The voice continued to yell.

"Cisco," Caitlin breathed out in disbelief.

At first, she felt an overwhelming joy at seeing her friend again, but then the reality of the situation came crashing down upon her. If he was here, then that meant it was time to go back, time to return to their world and leave this little home they had made behind. Back to the world where Barry was not hers, but Iris's, to the world where he had a family and future, and she was not apart of it, not in the way she wanted to be.

In the next few seconds, they both just looked at each other, shocked and astonished. Then for one moment, one terribly selfish moment, she didn't want to go back. She wasn't ready to lose him yet, and she thought for a fleeting wisp of an instant that he didn't want to either. None of that mattered though. Because even if they weren't ready, even if _she_ wasn't ready, she knew that they had to go. They owed it to their friends, to their family, and to the world they had left behind.

So Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow held each other's gaze for as long as they could, the cooking breakfast that still sizzled on the stovetop now long forgotten. He held out his hand to her and she took it, preparing to leave this world just the way they had entered it; hands interlocked, and with no idea of what might await them on the other side.

With one last reluctant look around, they leapt forward, disappearing into a swirling oblivion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years have passed since Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow vanished into the Speed Force. Now, rescued by their friends, they must face the world they left behind and try to adapt to the new changes that have occurred not only within their old lives, but also within themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, this fic wasn't exactly canon compliant before, and since much of it was written and planned out before Crisis/s6, it certainly isn't now. It's kind of existing in its own canon. Think of it as like...an alternate Season 6/7. I originally planned to finish the story with this chapter, but to make it more manageable I've decided to split it up into smaller parts. Hope everyone enjoys!

If asked, Caitlin Snow was sure she could pinpoint the exact moment that she passed through the dimensional barriers that separated the Speed Force from Earth-1. It was instant and jarring, and to Caitlin felt something akin to what one might feel if they were suddenly transported from a warm bath to the middle of an arctic wasteland.

As her feet hit the floor of the lab, she was pulled from the familiar aether she had come to know and thrust back into the harsh winds of reality. She slid to a stop on the smooth sheet tile, her hand still gripping Barry's tightly.

He looked at her and she looked at him, a range of undefinable emotions coursing through them both. Their eyes began to roam, their surroundings somehow familiar yet alien all at once. Then their gazes slid over to the two other figures in the room.

Cisco stood just a few paces away, his arm still outstretched in front of him. Harry wasn't far away either, his hands still busy with a set of dials mounted on a control panel of some kind.

Caitlin would like to say she remembered the expression on Cisco's face, that the moment of finally seeing them again was clearly imprinted in her mind. But it wasn't, it was all a blur because she was too busy clearing the distance across the lab and throwing her arms around the breacher.

"Caitlin," the word came out as a huff because of the force in which she had hit him. His arms quickly wrapped around her. "You're here, you guys are really here," he said over his shoulder, a note of disbelief in his voice.

"We're really here," Barry assured.

Just as he spoke, Harry moved out from behind the control panel and greeted the other man with a hug. Eventually, Caitlin released Cisco from the death grip she had on him, only for Barry to immediately swoop in and do the exact same thing.

It was then that Caitlin was able to actually get a good look at Harry for the first time. He looked different than he had when she last saw him. He had regained that sharp glint of intelligence in his eyes, only now it was undercut with a softer glow of kindness. "Harry, you're back," she blurted, the older man willingly pulling her into an embrace.

"Thanks to Jesse," he answered quietly, a smile in his words. "And besides, someone had to help Ramon," he gave a slight nod in his direction.

"Uh, excuse me, I believe _I_ was the one that did the heavy lifting in the end," Cisco retorted, patting Barry's back before letting him go.

For a moment, Caitlin had to just stop and smile, the familiar sound of her two friends bickering somehow filling her with both nostalgia and affection. Then the full implication of what Cisco had said finally registered.

"That breach," Caitlin whispered. "Cisco, was that you?

His attention quickly snapped back to her and he nodded slowly, an honest and open look on his face. "I guess it turns out the cure wasn't so permanent after all," he briefly glanced down at the floor, running his fingers over his wrist and palm. "At least not for me. I got them back a few weeks ago."

"Cisco, I'm _so sorry_—" Her mind was already scrambling to find a solution.

"No, don't be," he interjected, shaking his head as he spoke. "The truth is, I love my powers, they're apart of me. I lost sight of that for a while," he admitted, his gaze drifting down to his hand as he absently flexed it.

"And I love them even more now because they helped me get you guys back," he continued, looking up at Barry and Caitlin. "I've been trying for years to find you without them, and getting them back meant I finally could."

Caitlin beamed at him softly, the happiness she felt at finally being able to see her other best friend slowly spreading through her.

"We missed you so much, man," Barry echoed the sentiments she felt.

"I missed you guys too," Cisco answered, his voice a mix of relief and lingering melancholy. "It's been a crazy five years without you."

The room was quiet for a tick as they all took in the moment and allowed themselves to process it. After the initial rush of emotions calmed, something seemed to occur to Barry.

"Wait, where's everyone else?" He glanced around at the otherwise empty room.

"We—" Harry said with slight hesitancy, "—didn't tell anybody else we were going to try to breach the Speed Force again."

"Why not?" Barry inquired, brow creased in such a way that made Caitlin want to reach up and smooth the lines over with her thumb.

"Because the last time we tried we may or may not have accidentally unleashed an inter-dimensional dragon on the city," Cisco's words came out fast and jumbled, a sheepish look on his face. "No biggie."

"A what?!" Caitlin and Barry both exclaimed.

"Only for a few hours!" He defended, putting his hands up.

"Two hours and twenty-three minutes to be exact," Harry chimed in, unhelpfully. "In which it managed to burn down _five_ buildings, INCLUDING a Big Belly Burger." He threw the last part pointedly in Cisco's direction.

"Oh, I'm sorry, as I recall, weren't you the one that _swore_ the calculations were right?" Cisco fired back, crossing his arms at the other man.

"They were right," Harry jabbed a finger in his direction as he moved across the room, setting to work on powering down the control panel he had previously been stationed at.

"_They were right_," Cisco mouthed the words mockingly, rolling his eyes.

Caitlin had to stifle a laugh, wondering how on earth they had managed to not kill each other in the past five years.

"Anyway," he turned back to the other two, "Wally and Ralph are on a mission with the League, but Joe is still in town, I'll give him a call."

Cisco then moved to step away, heading in the direction of his workshop.

"Hey, wait, where's Iris?" Barry inquired eagerly, causing the breacher to freeze in his tracks.

His words sent a line of dread through Caitlin, immediately followed by a pang of guilt; she knew the mention of someone who was supposed to be her friend shouldn't evoke those types of emotions. She knew she should be happy to see her again, that she should be happy for Barry.

The expression that crossed Cisco's face was an odd one, and for the briefest of moments, it almost looked apologetic. "She—uh—she moved away a while back," he explained. "To Blue Valley."

"Oh." Barry seemed surprised but otherwise undaunted. It wasn't like he couldn't be there in the blink of an eye.

"Come on," Cisco nodded toward his shop. "I don't think Joe's gonna believe me unless I put you on the line."

Barry smiled faintly and followed along, falling into step next to the other man.

Steadily, the two of them faded from view down the hall, the scuffs of Barry's bright red slippers growing quieter with each step. Caitlin was left standing there, awkward and a bit unsure of what to do with herself. It was about then that it occurred to her that she was still in her sleeping attire, the comfortable pants and shirt hanging loosely off her frame. She had even managed to make it out with _her_ favorite pair of slippers.

"I'm glad you're okay, Snow," the unsure note of Harry's tone cut through the newfound quiet. "For a while, we weren't sure what state you'd be in when we found you."

Caitlin's attention immediately snapped to him, her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Harry exhaled quietly and took off his glasses, scrubbing a hand over his face. He then stepped out from behind the panel, only to lean back against it as he spoke. "We didn't know how well a non-speedster would handle being saturated in Speed Force for so long," he explained. "If what happens in Flashtime is anything to go by, we theorized that prolonged exposure could result in molecular and even psychological deterioration. We weren't even sure if you were alive until today," he admitted, tapering off into a broken whisper.

Caitlin's features softened as she caught a glimpse of the concern and relief that he wore, his eyes becoming misty in spite of his attempts to hide it.

"I'm perfectly alright, Harry, I promise," she assured gently, reaching out and patting his arm.

Harry nodded and gave a small watery smile.

"If fact, I don't think I ever even—" she continued, only to trail off, a sudden realization entering her mind.

"What is it?" Harry inquired, picking up on the shift in her demeanor.

"It's just—" Caitlin paused, the puzzle pieces slowly starting to click together. "For the first few months after we arrived, I started having nightmares. They were worse than anything I'd ever had before. I couldn't sleep, and I felt drained all the time."

"But they went away?"

"They did," she nodded. "After I started sleeping with—" it was then that Caitlin's brain finally caught up with her mouth and the horror of what she was about to say finally hit her. "—_in the same room with Barry." _She scrambled to correct herself.

"In the same room. In my own bed. _Separately_."

Caitlin cleared her throat before speaking again, certain her face must've been the same shade as Barry's slippers. "Barry offered to let me share his room because the only time the nightmares ever seemed to stop was when he was there. After that, I almost never had any."

Harry's eyes, (which for the briefest of moments had gone almost comedically wide) shifted to that of thoughtful contemplation. "Barry's cells _are_ infused with Speed Force; which would mean they not only survive being saturated in it, but thrive. He and every other speedster is living proof that human biology can coexist with those types of energies. So it's possible that—"

"—being in close proximity to him somehow helped my cells adjust and recharge," Caitlin reasoned, the full reality of the situation finally becoming clear to her.

"Exactly," Harry snapped his fingers as he put his glasses back on.

He then moved back around the desk and began jotting down notes on a stray legal pad.

"Did you experience anything else?" Harry began to ask, but was quickly cut off.

"By the way, how did you guys solve the molecular deterioration problem?" Cisco's voice entered the mix as he popped back through the doorway. "Because according to our models you should've been a human raisin after only a few months." He winced a little at his own description.

Caitlin opened her mouth to reply, but Harry spoke first. "They were roommates," he piped up, as if that explained everything.

"Oh my goodness they were roommates," Cisco replied without missing a beat, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.

"Not like that!" Caitlin quickly interjected, unsure of why she felt such a strong need to defend herself. "We lived together, we had a house."

It was starting to become painfully apparent to her that neither she nor Barry had ever really thought about how they would explain their living arrangements to everyone else. At the time, it seemed like a perfectly logical solution to their predicament. It had just never occurred to her how it sounded when said out loud.

"Okay, so we were _technically_ roommates," she conceded, which only seemed to confused Cisco more.

It was then that Barry reappeared and Caitlin wasn't sure if she should be relieved or all the more mortified.

"How did Joe take it?" She asked, jumping at the opportunity to change the subject.

"He couldn't believe it and he might've started crying," Barry said with a soft, loving smile. "He's on his way right now with Cecile and Jenna.

Caitlin nodded, slowly taking a seat on one of the nearby stools.

"Also he kept asking if you were okay," Barry added in a puzzled kind of way.

Caitlin only smiled warmly and shook her head, despite the small tug of guilt that pulled at her. She couldn't help but wonder just how many of their friends and family had presumed her dead.

It was Barry's voice that pulled her from her musings.

"By the way, what is Iris's new address?" He turned to Cisco. "I'm gonna go pick her up and make this a proper family reunion," he explained, beaming excitedly.

Cisco hesitated for an instant but answered nonetheless. Caitlin didn't hear it, she was too busy trying to swallow down the hollow, sinking feeling that threatened to engulf her. Her eyes remained firmly fixed on the floor as her nails dug into the sides of the leather cushion she sat on.

Faintly, she registered the sound of Barry thanking him, followed by his retreating footsteps. Caitlin finally managed to tear her eyes from the floor, she looked back up, lingering on the speedster's purposeful form. For a brief moment, the world around her slowed, a million fleeting memories and a million conflicting emotions bombarding her all at once.

This was it, this was the moment she had been dreading for longer than she cared to admit. This was the moment that she lost him, once and for all.

Wordlessly, she watched him as he continued to walk away, forcing herself to let him go.

She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't as if he was ever really hers to begin with. Maybe there was a time when he was, or rather, he _could_ _have been_. Maybe if the timing had been just a little bit better, or things had happened just a little bit differently.

But now was not the time to dwell on the things of the past; this was the present, this was now, this was _reality_.

"Barry, don't!" The pitch and urgency of Cisco's voice caught Caitlin by surprise and made her nearly jump out of her seat.

Barry stopped in his tracks and whirled back, equally as jarred as she was.

Cisco didn't say anything at first, looking as though he wasn't sure how to continue.

_'Ah frack it,' _she could almost hear him say.

"Listen, before you go and see Iris..." he finally gave in and spoke, reluctancy clouding his features.

"There's something you need to know."

* * *

The drive to Blue Valley was a quiet and uncomfortable one, the trepidation in the air nearly tangible. That didn't surprise Caitlin, but it was fine because she had plenty of other things to be surprised about.

The first thing was the revelation that had been laid before them, the second was that Barry had asked her to come with him in the first place, and the third being his specific request that they _drive _there.

It was unusual, but Caitlin suspected she knew the reason for the latter. Barry could be at Iris's front door as fast as he wanted to, but at least this way, he could put off the inevitable for just a little bit longer. He could pretend that the others were wrong, or that it was all just some kind of messed up joke.

Caitlin wanted to talk to him about it, to help him, but she knew at that moment there was no point. There was no comforting him, not until he had seen it all for himself and began to truly process it. Instead, she just drove quietly along the sun-lit highway, trying her best to ignore the rapid tapping sound Barry was making on his car door. They were about thirty minutes out now, the scenery steadily transitioning from metropolitan to suburban.

The stoplight up ahead turned red, and Caitlin slowly ground the vehicle to a halt. She took the opportunity to reach forward and turn on the radio, trying in vain to ease the tension. The lyrics to a particularly depressing love song about heartbreak began to drift through the car. Caitlin immediately flipped the radio back off, clearing her throat uncomfortably.

To stop herself from fidgeting, she placed both hands firmly on the wheel and desperately waited for the light to change. For a brief fleeting moment, she thought she saw Barry's rueful yet amused smile in her peripheral, but she was hoping that was just her imagination. Finally, the light changed, mercifully allowing her to do something else besides sit in awkward silence.

If Caitlin were being honest, this was the last situation she wanted to be put in the middle of. Yet, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that maybe it was better this way. Because at least then, Barry wouldn't be alone when it all inevitably came crashing down. At least maybe she could help pick up some of the pieces once the damage was done.

They soon arrived at the unfamiliar address, pulling onto the curb smoothly and unnoticed. The sight that was there to greet them was expected, yet flooring all the same.

Iris was sitting on a porch swing alongside her husband, bouncing a small toddler on her knee.

Barry sucked in a sharp breath from where he sat beside Caitlin, the look on his face sending a physical pang through her. A part of her wanted to reach out, to take his hand, to do something—_anything_ to try and erase the pain that had etched itself onto his features. However, she knew that there wasn't truly anything she could do about it, the entirety of the situation had been (and still was) out of her control. She couldn't change it, nor could she soften the blow that had been dealt. All she could do was be there, and do her best to catch him should he fall.

"I'm so sorry, Barry," Caitlin whispered, her voice barely audible.

He didn't say a word, he just looked on with the same shattered, helpless look she had seen him wear far too many times.

"If you want—" she began after a moment, her voice a gentle and attentive tone, "—I could go and talk to her first. Explain everything."

"No, no, it's okay," Barry replied hoarsely, quickly wiping the tears that had begun to trail down his cheek. "Let's just get this over with."

Caitlin nodded silently and unclipped her seatbelt. Barry followed and opened his car door, his feet hitting the sidewalk not long after her's.

The child on Iris's lap made an unintelligible sound and pointed in their direction. Iris smiled and followed the path of the boy's chubby little finger, only to pale as soon as her eyes landed on the pair that were now slowly making their way up the drive.

Caitlin had meant to talk to Cisco and ask if any of them had been able to get ahold of her on the phone, to give her some forewarning of their arrival. The look on the reporter's face gave her all the answer she needed.

Suddenly, Caitlin felt as though she was right back in her first days in the Speed Force, right back in the loft kitchen. Smack in the middle of it all, wanting to crawl into a hole, or possibly throw herself into oncoming traffic. Only this time there would be no easy fixes, no 'whatever makes you happy.' There was only hurt. Hurt and the complicated mess that was life.

The majority of Caitlin's stay at the West-Thomson home was spent sitting in the living room while Barry and Iris talked with hushed, raised voices in the kitchen. She sat and tried to make small talk with Iris's husband, and even played with the baby for a while.

She learned that his name was Evan, Evan Thomson, and that the toddler's name was Nonny. Apparently, Evan had been a firefighter that had joined the police force a few months prior to Crisis. He met Iris during an interview about the department's efforts to clean up the havoc that the Shadow Demons had left behind.

What was surprising to Caitlin was just how much Evan seemed to know about them all. He knew that Barry was the Flash, and he knew that she was Killer Frost. He even knew about Eobard Thawne and the Particle Accelerator explosion. Caitlin supposed she shouldn't be shocked, he was Iris's husband after all. But still, something about how liberally the knowledge had been given to him left her unsettled.

Eventually, Barry and Iris's voices seemed to quiet, then inevitably fade out altogether. They soon reappeared, somehow bringing an even tenser air back with them. Thankfully, the rest of the visit passed quickly and uneventfully. Barry was stiff and curt, but not impolite. Caitlin could tell he was trying very hard to be okay with this, trying not to make an even bigger scene than he already had.

He introduced himself to Evan and even shook his hand, attempting to at least be hospitable. All the while, Caitlin watched helplessly as a hollowness settled behind Barry's eyes. Watched as his entire being lost its spark and his movements became robotic and rigid.

After about forty-five minutes, Barry made up an excuse about getting back to the city and began heading for the door. Iris gave Caitlin a hug before they left, and told her she was glad she was okay.

After that, they got into the car and peeled out of the driveway, uncertain if they would ever return.

The first twenty minutes of the journey back to Central City was ruled by silence. Barry didn't say a word, he just stared out the window, a weary and blank expression on his face. Caitlin didn't say anything either, she wasn't going to push him. She knew that he would talk to her when he was ready, he always did, and she had to believe that this time would be no different.

So she simply drove; she pressed her foot down on the gas pedal as they merged onto the highway, putting more and more distance between Barry and the part of his world that had left him behind.

The sun had almost completely set by then, the sky giving way to stars as the last sparks of light were extinguished beneath the horizon. Eventually, Barry did speak, but it was so quiet and low that Caitlin almost missed it.

"I'm an idiot," he mumbled under his breath. "A complete idiot," he repeated, this time with a humorless laugh escaping his throat.

"Barry, you had no way of knowing," Caitlin tried to soothe, briefly glancing over at him as she drove.

He just shook his head and ran a hand shakily through his hair.

"I guess I should be happy for her, for both of them. I mean he gave her everything I never could," Barry continued, his voice unsteady. "A normal life, a family, a home that doesn't get destroyed by some kind of catastrophe once every year," he added cynically.

Barry paused for a moment, the only other audible sound in the car being the hum of the traffic around them.

"I just...I thought she'd wait for me," he choked out, his vision blurred with tears. "I thought she'd be here when I got back. That we'd start over, that we could have a future and a family again."

A quiet, shuddery sob escaped Barry, and Caitlin was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to hug him. Tears began to streak down his face as he drew in a ragged, trembling breath. He leaned forward and hung his head as the tears fell freely, his forehead pressed against the dashboard.

Caitlin soon found herself pulling off the highway and safely onto the side of the road. Without a word, she leaned over (and practically into the passenger seat) wrapping her arms around Barry, and rubbing soothing circles along his back. He didn't say anything more, he just let her comfort him, holding onto her arm tightly.

Eventually, the tears began to slow, Barry began to breathe again, and Caitlin began to drive. They didn't really talk, because there wasn't much to say. It was what it was, and there was no changing it now.

Iris had moved on, she had a life and a family that Barry was not apart of, not anymore. The whole situation was familiar and so horribly ironic from Caitlin's perspective. It was an irony she would not have wished upon anybody, least of all Barry.

Slowly, the speedster nodded off in the passenger seat, the gentle sound of the radio drifting through the dark cab. Caitlin spared a glance at him, feeling the gentle tug of a smile as she saw how peaceful he finally looked. It was the most calm and relaxed he had been since their return.

A yawn bubbled up in Caitlin's throat, and it occurred to her just how tired she actually was as well. The last time either of them had slept was in the Speed Force, and that had been well over a day ago.

She drove for a few minutes more, her weary eyes in search of somewhere they could stop and rest for a while. The neon lights of a motel eventually came into view, and Caitlin decided it would be as good of a place as any. She flipped on her right-side blinker and made the turn, pulling smoothly into one of the parking spaces. After that, she turned off the engine and got out, careful not to disturb Barry.

The nighttime air was crisp and cool to her lungs, momentarily perking up her tired system. She made her way inside and checked in with the clerk at the desk, asking for a room with twin beds. She was informed the only available one was a single. Caitlin agreed without much thought, the last five years having taken away any reservations she had about sharing a sleeping space.

She then handed over a portion of the cash Cisco had given her, which she would repay him as soon as she regained access to her bank account.

It turned out that being a recently reemerged missing person could really complicate certain aspects of daily life. Caitlin was already dreading the mess her finances were going to be after such a long absence. But then again, she supposed she shouldn't complain, she was just a missing person, Barry, on the other hand, had been presumed dead.

The clerk exchanged the cash for a door key with a large black seven etched onto it. Caitlin took it and thanked the elderly gentleman, before exiting and making her way back to the car. When she got there Barry was already awake and waiting for her, his eyes still bleary from sleep.

Their room turned out to be small and minimalistic, yet clean and comfortable nonetheless. It consisted of a bed, an extra chair, and a coffee table, bare beige walls tying it all together.

Barry made his way over to the bed and collapsed, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket only as an afterthought. Caitlin followed a more methodical process. She took off her shoes and put them in the corner and then proceeded to shed her jacket and scarf, leaving them folded neatly in the chair.

Afterward, she turned off the lights and climbed into bed, all the while, Barry making a clumsy and sleepy attempt to burrow under the covers. Caitlin ended his struggle and pulled the thick comforter over them both. She settled in beside him and laid her head down on the pillows, eyes resting on his turned back. It was about then that she began to mentally debate just how much space would be appropriate to give him.

She scarcely had begun her internal battle before Barry scooted back towards her in an attempt to close the gap between them. Caitlin took that as her silent answer. She moved a bit closer and wrapped her arms around his torso, her head resting gently against his back. Barry reached up and threaded his fingers through hers, drawing in a slow and deep intake of breath. Caitlin closed her eyes and listened, listened to the sound of his lungs expanding and the steady thrum of his heart.

"Barry," she spoke, her voice seeming out of place in the quiet that had enveloped the room.

He made a hum of acknowledgment and she continued, words thick with sincerity. "I know there's not a lot I can say right now, and I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling, but I just want you to know that it will get better, even if it feels like it won't."

At that, Barry turned towards her and rolled onto his back, his features silhouetted in the low light.

"There have been times in my life where I didn't think I'd ever be okay again, where I didn't think it would get better. But it did, and it will. I promise," she told him softly, the darkness and still atmosphere around them making her all the more sleepy.

Barry was silent, soaking in her words. "I know," he admitted, his tone low.

The certainty and steadiness of his voice caught Caitlin by surprise.

"I know it will," he repeated, a sense of acceptance creeping into his words. "The truth is, I'm not the same person I was when I went into the Speed Force, none of us are. I want..._different things_," he confessed, his gentle grip on her hand tightening ever so slightly.

Caitlin felt her heart jump, though in her sleep-deprived state she had a hard time pinpointing why.

"I spent so long thinking that if I just tried hard enough we could go back to the way things were, pick up where we left off. But I've changed, and the more I think about it, the more I realize it would've been a mess if I had tried to pretend I hadn't." Barry bled his heart, the tension slowly ebbing from his shoulders and arms.

"Maybe it's better this way. It hurts, but I think it's better. Iris found her happiness after Crisis. Maybe I can find mine again too," he added, his voice tapering off into a murmur and growing fainter with each word.

He didn't speak again after that, and Caitlin soon realized it was because he had dozed again. She only smiled softly and brushed a stray strand of hair away from his forehead, her eyelids heavy.

She snuggled closer and tucked herself into his side, arm draped across his stomach. Slowly, her eyes slipped closed and she drifted away, allowing the darkness to blanket her.

* * *

When they awoke the next day, it was to soft morning light and unfamiliarity.

Caitlin opened her eyes, expecting to see the walls of their room in the Speed Force. She was shocked to not be greeted by them at first. A moment more and her muddled and sleepy brain finally caught up, the events of the previous day coming back to her.

Caitlin sat up and stretched, unable to shake the lingering feeling that this was not only the start of a new day, but also a new life. Beside her, the lump of pillows and blankets that was Barry Allen made a faint sound of protest as she tried to get up. He then grumbled something about "the crack of dawn" and 'not even having an alarm clock.' Caitlin only smirked and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, wondering how he'd react if she were to pull the curtains open.

Breakfast that morning consisted of fast food and two small bottles of orange juice. Since the table was far too small for both of them, they sat across from each other on the bed and ate, all the while discussing their plans for the day.

Caitlin offered to spare Barry the wait and take the car back by herself, freeing him up to speed ahead of her. He only shook his head and declined, saying he'd much rather spend his time riding back with her. She couldn't help but smile a little at that, a bright warmth spreading through her.

They were back on the road by nine o'clock, miles of faded black pavement stretching behind them. They sped down the open highway, windows rolled down and the radio playing softly in the background. Barry sat quietly and watched the passing scenery with a calm kind of contentment, the rushing wind ruffling his hair as rays of golden light streamed through the windows.

The atmosphere of the vehicle was a stark contrast to what it had been just a day prior. The air that had previously been froth with tension and angst had now given way to ease and the simplicity of their bond. They laughed and drove and sang, Caitlin beginning to hope that perhaps she could reclaim some of the happiness she had felt in the Speed Force. (It wasn't about the where she supposed, it was about the who.) She knew it would likely never be the same, or anything more, but perhaps she didn't have to lose him just yet after all.

At one point, they stopped at a small gas station and Barry volunteered to go inside and pay. After pumping the gas she waited for him in the car, making a vain attempt to scroll through the years worth of emails that had piled up in her inbox.

When Barry returned, it was with snacks and a small souvenir in hand. He opened his palm to reveal a tiny keychain, the words '_do whatever makes you happy_' engraved into the flimsy metal. Caitlin only gaped in shock as Barry gave it to her, laughing all the while. She just shook her head and chuckled along at their own little inside joke, slipping it onto her car keys and secretly promising herself that she would keep it forever.

They arrived back at the lab by late afternoon and Wally and Ralph were waiting there to greet them. They all exchanged hugs, and Ralph may or may not have actually started weeping.

After the initial greetings had passed (and the tears had dried) Wally offered to take Barry out for a run around the city.

The older speedster quickly agreed, but scarcely had he gotten the words out before Cisco motioned for them to wait and practically dove through a breach. He reemerged seconds later with a large silver case in hand. Setting it on a nearby surface he popped it open, revealing a brand new Flash suit inside.

The grin that engulfed Barry's features was a bright one. It reminded Caitlin of a time long ago when he was just learning to be a hero and the weight of the world hadn't yet planted itself on his shoulders.

Cisco began to explain all the features and modifications he made with the same giddiness and excitement that had always come with helping Barry craft the Flash persona. Caitlin couldn't help but watch them both with a fond smile, nostalgia seeming to blanket her.

As much as she had grown to truly enjoy her and Barry's time in the Speed Force, she had missed _this_. She had missed Cisco and S.T.A.R. Labs and helping people and being a hero. She had missed having a team.

After Cisco was done, he and Barry shared a synchronized fist bump and what she had always known was their 'secret' handshake. Barry slipped the suit on in a flash, and in the same instant took a quick run through the speed lab to test it out.

When he was done, he slid to a stop in front of their small group and then turned to Caitlin as if to ask, '_how do I look?'_

The suit itself was new but the design was a familiar one; it was all sleek red leather and kevlar, with gold bolt-shaped accents snaking along the arms, legs, and belt. If she were being honest, he looked good. He looked excited and bright and like the Barry she knew and loved.

_'Like a hero_,' was her silent answer.

Barry beamed at her, and she gave him a sharp nod. "Now get out there, Mr. Allen."

"Sure thing, Dr. Snow," Barry gave a mock salute and winked, the gesture making Caitlin's heart race just a bit.

An instant later he and Wally were gone, a gust of wind leaving the papers in the room in the usual disarray. It made Caitlin smile for some reason.

After they all collectively pitched in to clean up, Ralph was on his way out as well. He gave Caitlin a tight hug before leaving to go pick up Sue, promising that he would be back to see her and Barry again tomorrow.

His departure left only Cisco, Caitlin, and a lab full of memories.

By then Cisco had stationed himself at one of the computer monitors, absently skimming through the data he had collected from Barry's suit. As he did, Caitlin allowed herself a moment to roam the room. So much had changed in her absence (and at the same time, so much hadn't) and she found herself wanting to explore a bit. She wanted to take in all the new details of the place she had come to consider a second home, she wanted to refamiliarize herself with it.

She began to look, to touch and to explore, allowing her curiosity to run free in a way she hadn't in quite some time. She soon made her way to a small workbench in the corner, running her fingers across the smooth surface. She was inspecting a particularly intricate piece of tech when she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. She jumped about two feet off the ground, nearly dropping the delicate, geodesic object in the process.

"Sorry," she quickly blurted out as she turned back to Cisco, who was leaning back in his office chair and wearing an amused smile.

"Do you...do you want a tour?" He offered after a moment, seeming to pick up on her curiosity.

"Yes, please," she agreed without hesitation, her voice coming out a bit squeaky.

Cisco let out a low, breathy laugh and stood up.

"Come on," he nodded his head towards the doorway, and Caitlin fell into step next to one of her closest and oldest friends.

* * *

The tour was as informative as it was wistful. Cisco had done so much in their absence, and Caitlin couldn't help but be impressed. She had known that Barry had planned to leave S.T.A.R. Labs in Cisco's capable hands long before Crisis had ever arrived, but it had never quite occurred to her just how successful of an owner he would be.

He had not only paid the bills and kept everything running, he had expanded it, he had thrived. In the five years the company had been in his ownership it had put out more groundbreaking software and technology than its days before the Particle Accelerator explosion. He had made national headlines on more than one occasion and even reopened other branches and facilities all around the country.

A sense of admiration bloomed within Caitlin as he spoke of his success, his failures, his doubts, and his triumphs. He had grown so much and she couldn't help but be proud of him.

He told her everything too. He told her about the company and the aftermath of Crisis. He told her about his powers and all his failed attempts to get them back. He told her about Cynthia, and their marriage of two years now. Caitlin was beyond excited about the latter, her only regret being that she hadn't gotten to be there to see it.

In turn, Caitlin told him all about the Speed Force and the changes that had come with it. She filled him in on their discoveries there and did her best to explain her reasons for leaving. She wasn't really sure how she had expected him to react after so long, but she was still amazed by how understanding he was nonetheless.

"I get it, Caitlin, I do," he assured as they stood in the quiet halls, one hand in his pocket, and the other on the back of his neck. "I mean yeah, it hurt at first, of course it did. I missed you _so much, _both of you, but I understand why you did what you did. You couldn't let him be alone."

Caitlin stopped for a moment, his words ringing familiar in her ears. "You found the letter," it was both a statement and a question.

He nodded, drawing in a deep breath. Then he began to speak, repeating words that she never thought would actually be said aloud.

"_Dear Cisco, by the time you find this, Crisis will already be over. Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry this is happening and I'm sorry that I won't be here to help you pick up the pieces_," he began, his voice strained and his eyes distant. He swallowed thickly before continuing. "_Whatever happens, please don't worry about me, this is my decision and I've made peace with it. Barry won't admit it, but he's scared, he's scared to say goodbye and he's scared he'll be alone. I can't let that happen, not if there's something I can do about it_."

He paused for the briefest of moments to collect himself, the onslaught of emotions evident on his features. "_Again, I'm sorry for leaving, but I want you to know that I love you, I will always love you. As family, as a brother, as my friend. Goodbye Cisco. Love, Caitlin."_

Caitlin drew in a low, unsteady breath, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I—I read it every day for a while there," Cisco admitted, his own eyes watery.

Without a word, she stepped forward and pulled him into a tight embrace, a few tears spilling over and staining his shirt.

"I'm really glad you're back," his voice broke and his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Me too," she answered, her voice a hoarse whisper.

It was then that they finally began to slip back into their old dynamic as one might their best, most comfortable pair of shoes. Caitlin felt lighter, as though the air had been cleared.

After a while, they went and got takeout for a late lunch and ate in the cortex as they had countless times before. All the while, Cisco worked to compile a list of half a decades worth of movies, series, and pop culture for Caitlin to catch up on. Because, according to him, it was his "sacred duty as her best friend, brother, and family, to make sure she knew what happened to Tom Holland's Spiderman."

Caitlin just smiled and shook her head. It went on that way for about a half an hour, and Cisco was right in the middle of laying out all the reasons she _absolutely had to_ watch the epic conclusion of Stranger Things when Barry appeared with a _whoosh_, sending their napkins and her hair flying.

He came sliding to a stop in the middle of the cortex, a spring in his step and a spark in his eyes.

"How was it out there?" Caitlin inquired, rising quickly from her seat and walking over to meet him.

"A lot bigger than it used to be," Barry replied with a slightly excited grin. "There's more people, more metas, more skyscrapers. You should see it."

"I might take you up on that sometime. I'll need a good tour guide," she gave him a wry smile and began gathering up their used wrappers and napkins.

"Speaking of," Cisco added, setting down his notepad and moving to help her. "Is Killer Frost planning on making her return to Central City any time soon? Because boy have I got some ideas—"

"As wonderful as that sounds," Caitlin cut in gently, "I don't think we should get ahead of ourselves just yet, Caitlin Snow has to make a return first. I still need to come up with a convincing story that explains where I've been for the past five years."

"I can help with that," Cisco offered with a shrug. "I don't mean to brag, but I'm a bit of a public figure now. People listen to me. I'm like a sexy Elon Musk." He added a dramatic hair flip for emphasis.

Caitlin made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort and fought the urge to roll her eyes. "No offense, Elon, but I think I'd better get an actual lawyer for this one."

"Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the best in town," Barry supplied, taking off his gloves and moving to lean against the cortex desk. "Cecile's pretty amazing when it comes to these types of things."

"She is, but I'm afraid she might be too busy legally bringing you back from the dead," Caitlin countered.

Almost unconsciously, she slid in beside him, her shoulder brushing lightly against his.

"Nah, we've got it covered," Barry assured, giving an easy shrug. "She's got a whole story worked out about me being an unidentified coma patient."

Caitlin nodded along as he explained, making a mental reminder to see if they would need any doctor's notes to make it more legitimate.

"She, Joe, Wally, and I are all gonna have dinner tonight and talk it over. You should come," Barry suggested, canting his head toward her and lightly bumping his shoulder into hers.

The offer made an odd sensation bloom within Caitlin; knowing that she was, in a way, counted among his family filled her with a ridiculous amount of warmth. However, she had already made a promise to someone else.

"As tempting as that is, I already told Cisco that I'd have dinner at his and Cynthia's place," she informed softly, almost regretting the way his face seemed to fall a little.

"Which we should probably get going for by the way," Cisco piped up, glancing down at his watch. "She gets off work in twenty minutes and we still need to stop by my old storage unit and get some of your stuff for the spare room."

Caitlin nodded wordlessly and pushed off the desk, moving around to gather her coat and scarf. Cisco soon stepped out to shut down the rest of the lab while Caitlin pushed in the chairs and shut off the lights in the cortex. Barry followed close behind her as she did, wearing a curious and slightly lost expression.

"What did he mean by spare room?"

Barry eventually asked, his voice sounding small and uneven.

Caitlin turned around to look at him, only to stumble a little upon realizing how close he actually was. Instinctively, he reached out to steady her, his hand wrapping around the bend of her elbow.

Caitlin was suddenly overcome not only with an acute awareness of their proximity but also with a guilty and slightly sheepish feeling. It had seemed like a simple thing when she had agreed to the offer Cisco had made, but now face to face with Barry, the whole idea just felt wrong.

She managed to gather herself and speak. "My apartment lease has been up for over four years now, so Cisco offered me a place to stay until things get settled."

"Oh," was the only sound that escaped Barry's lips, his voice quiet and undercut by something akin to surprise.

"What about you?" She inquired softly, shifting on her feet.

"Um..well," Barry chuckled uneasily, running a hand over the back of his neck. "Iris sold the loft when she left. And even if she hadn't, it kinda got burned down during the whole dragon incident..."

"It was an accident!" Cisco's voice echoed from two rooms away.

Caitlin sighed and rolled her eyes while a breathy laugh bubbled past Barry's lips, his gaze falling to the floor.

"So, I guess I'll be staying at Joe and Cecile's for a while then," he concluded, veering back to their previous conversation.

Caitlin only nodded.

This was all happening so fast, so much was changing so fast and she wasn't really sure how to deal with it. She didn't want it to happen this way, she didn't want them to go back to leading separate lives, but at the same time, there wasn't really much of a way to avoid it.

It was then that Caitlin watched a shadow creep over Barry's face, the full reality of the situation finally dawning on him.

They didn't have a house anymore, they didn't have a home together. There was no title with both their names neatly written on it, and there would be no debate on exactly whose turn it was to make breakfast in the morning. They would wake up in different places, brush their teeth in different bathrooms, and get ready for their days with no small talk exchanged between them. They were back to square one, back to the way things were before the Speed Force.

This was how it was always going to be when they got back, surely he must've known that? Did he? Had he not realized? Had he not dreaded it like she had?

Caitlin didn't really have much time to ponder that, because an instant later Cisco came strolling back into the room, causing them both to jump apart a few inches.

The next few minutes passed without much talking, and before they knew it they were going their separate ways. They spared each other a lingering glance before they vanished, Barry with his speed and Caitlin through an awaiting breach.

* * *

For Caitlin, the rest of the evening passed in pleasant uneventfulness.

Cynthia arrived at the house just a little after she and Cisco had, stepping through a breach and into the living room. The moment she saw Caitlin her face lit up with a controlled yet genuine kind of relief. Cynthia wasted no time in pulling her into a tight hug, echoing the same sentiments that everyone else had so far: that she was happy to see her and she was glad she was safe.

However, no sooner had she pulled away did she speak the words, "don't you two ever do anything like that ever again," in a semi-stern tone.

"We didn't really have much of a choice," Caitlin tried to defend weakly, suddenly feeling a tab bit abashed.

"Still," Cynthia said, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "Never. Again."

"We'll do our best," Caitlin assured, smiling a little at the other woman's prickly yet endearing brand of concern.

"Also do me a favor and smack Barry upside the head if you see him again before I do," she added, eliciting a near-cackle from Cisco.

Most of dinner was spent talking and catching up as they polished off a homemade casserole. The ingredients seemed a bit off-beat to Caitlin, but they were still delicious and she was told it was a very popular recipe on Earth-19. It was all a nice change of pace and a reminder to Caitlin of just how much she had missed them.

Afterward, they settled onto the couch to watch the first movie on her and Cisco's list, the opening sequence displaying the Marvel symbol proudly. The movie itself was enjoyable, but Caitlin still found her mind drifting to Barry.

She couldn't help it, she wanted to know how he was doing. Had he eaten well? Was he watching a movie now too? Or was he already asleep?

As the evening progressed and the post-credit scene came to a close, they all eventually said goodnight. Caitlin retired to her spare room and settled into the unfamiliar environment as best she could. She changed into the pajamas that had somehow followed her all the way from the Speed Force and turned out the lights. As she lay in the darkness, she caught her mind once again wandering.

She already missed him.

She missed having him close.

She missed the sound of his quiet and steady breaths that she would often fall asleep listening to, her own inhales falling into rhythm with his.

She even missed his high-pitched wheezy snores.

And more than anything at that moment, she missed having the option to go and lay down next to him, to curl up close and have him hold her as she drifted off to sleep.

She missed—

Caitlin abruptly clamped down on those thoughts, stopping herself from falling any further down the rabbit hole. She quickly shooed the previous musings from her mind and took a deep breath, trying to will herself into a state of calm indifference. She managed to succeed at least partially and began to feel herself inch towards an uneasy sleep.

That was when she heard it.

It started as a gentle rapping sound by the window, one that Caitlin initially mistook for the wind. However, they sounded again, only louder this time and in a perfect set of three.

Her eyes were already glowing when they snapped open, cold realization washing over her. Cautiously, she sat up straight and got out of bed, wisps of frost rolling off her hands.

The visitor knocked yet again and she felt her heart rate quicken. She reached out, a million potential conclusions racing through her mind as her icy fingertips inched forward.

What if it was a meta? Or a very strange burglar? Or perhaps it was simply a bird of some kind pecking at the glass?

Whatever it was, man or beast, it knocked again. This time it only made it to two taps before Caitlin violently yanked the curtains open, her palm poised for an ice blast.

Barry nearly fell off the window-ledge from the sudden jolt, a wide-eyed and startled look on his moonlit features.

Caitlin paused at the sight of him and he raised his hands, frantically making a motion for her to stop. She complied, the ice melting from her veins as quickly as it had come.

She then flipped the lock and opened the window, the words "Barry, what on earth are you doing out there?" flying past her lips before the glass was even out of the way.

The speedster clambered inside and onto the carpeted floor, still a little unsteady from his almost-fall.

"And why are you in your pajamas?" She scrunched her eyebrows, her attention drifting to the Superman-themed pants and fluffy red slippers he wore.

"Joe wouldn't hardly let me out of his sight, I had to sneak out after everyone went to bed," he explained a little breathlessly, his tone hushed. "Which, admittedly, I haven't done since I was sixteen and ended up getting lost on my way to an R-rated movie and had to actually call _him_ to come pick me up—"

He was starting to ramble now, and though it was adorable, it was a sure sign to Caitlin that he was nervous.

"Yes, but _why_ did you sneak out?" Caitlin inquired as soon as he paused for a breath, reaching out to place a hand on his arm. "Is everything okay?"

Barry froze and whispered a soft, "oh," realizing he had yet to actually explain the reason for being perched outside her window at almost 1:00 in the morning.

"Everything's fine, I just—" he began, eyes dropping to the floor as he shifted on his feet. "I came to make sure you were okay. I know you haven't had a nightmare in a long time, but I didn't want to take the chance."

Caitlin's expression softened as the full implications of his words sunk in. He had come for her. He had snuck out in the middle of the night and scaled a two-story house, all for her.

"Thank you, I really mean that," she said in a low and soft tone. "But I don't think they're going to be a problem anymore."

He was a bit confused at first, and looked as though he was about to ask her why she seemed so sure. However, he was interrupted by a knock on the bedroom door. They both started at the sound.

"Hey, Caitlin, is everything alright, can I come in?" Cynthia's voice came from the other side.

Without a word passed between them, they both simultaneously dove in opposite directions, as though they were kids who had been caught by their parents. Barry vanished with a flash of lightning and Caitlin practically leapt back into bed, frantically pulling the covers over herself.

"Sure thing. It's open," she soon called back, her voice sounding a little too squeaky for her liking.

The door cracked open a moment later and Cynthia slipped inside, now wearing her own set of pajamas.

"I just wanted to make sure you were settled in before I called it a night—" she began to explain but broke off, "—did I leave that open?" She pointed curiously at the window, white curtains billowing loosely in the nighttime wind.

Caitlin felt a wave of panic surge through her.

"Oh no, I did," she answered a bit too quickly, her words coming out fast and entirely too loud.

Cynthia gave her a strange look as she walked around to the opposite side of the bed, glancing briefly out the window.

"I mean," the doctor continued, calmer and more casual this time, "I was warm and I just wanted to get a little fresh air."

"_Okay_," the breacher drawled out lightly, not entirely convinced, but trusting Caitlin enough to accept her answer.

"Thank you for coming to check on me," Caitlin veered back to the original subject. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys letting me stay here while I get back on my feet."

"It's the least we could do," she only shrugged. "You're family to Cisco, which means you're family to me too."

Caitlin couldn't help but smile softly, never ceasing to be floored by the amount of care and regard they all had for her.

However, the moment was abruptly cut short when a muffled sneeze came from inside the closet. Caitlin's eyes widened in horror as Cynthia whirled around, striding towards the small compartment without hesitation.

"Cynthia don't!" Caitlin sprang forward onto her knees, but it was too late.

She yanked the closet door wide open, her hands ready to blast who or whatever was inside. Barry came tumbling out as she did, falling onto the floor in an ungraceful heap.

Cynthia took one look at him and cast her gaze skyward, rolling her eyes as hard as humanly possible.

"Heeeeeey," Barry squeaked out from where he still laid on the carpet, trying and failing to sound casual. "This—this is not what it looks like," he blurted out an instant later.

"And what exactly does it look like?" Cynthia tested, raising an eyebrow and putting her hand on her hip.

Barry quickly scrambled to his feet, springing up off the floor with a slight hop. "Look, I would've come through the front door but I figured you guys were already asleep and I just wanted to—" he frantically tried to explain.

"You wanted to check on Caitlin," Cynthia finished with a surprisingly understanding inflection. "It's fine. Cisco told me you two might be a little weird after spending so much time in the Speed Force."

"We aren't weird," Both Barry and Caitlin's defensive tones rang out simultaneously.

They shared a brief glance, each realizing that had done nothing to help their case.

Cynthia only sighed, her point proven.

"Look, I get it, being the only two people in a whole dimension is enough to make you more than a little attached to each other. Just lock the window back when you leave," she concluded, closing the closet and moving to leave the room.

However, she stopped halfway and turned back, as if she suddenly remembered something. She made her way back over to Barry and laid a solid _thwack_ on the back of his head.

"What was that for?" Barry practically whined, jerking away and reaching up to rub the spot on his head that didn't actually hurt.

"That was for going somewhere I couldn't breach," she shook her finger at him. "Never again."

With that she turned and left the room, all the while grumbling something about "stupid Earth-1 and it's different vibrational frequencies."

When the door was finally closed, both Barry and Caitlin found their gazes meeting. They shared a silent look before spluttering into quiet laughter, the ridiculousness of the whole situation not lost on them.

When they finally managed to collect themselves, Barry moved around to the side of the bed and took a seat across from her. Caitlin shifted back to a sitting position, drawing her knees up to her chest and looping her arms around them loosely. He regarded her in silence as he recalled their previous conversation, his unspoken question dancing on the tip of his tongue.

"They think it was the Speed Force," Caitlin's voice rang out softly. "Cisco and Harry," she clarified. "They think that it was what was causing my nightmares. That being there for an extended period of time could cause...deteriorations."

All the color drained from Barry's features as he put the pieces together. It made sense. "Like in Flashtime," he breathed out, as pale as a sheet.

She watched a crushing guilt creep its way across his face and plant itself firmly on his shoulders.

In that moment, Caitlin almost wished she hadn't told him, wished that she was still at least a little bit capable of lying to him. It would have been so much simpler if she was, so much better to spare him the guilt and self-blame he was undoubtedly already putting himself through.

Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut? She should've just let him believe what he would and curl up next to her.

"Cait, I—" he started, but she quickly cut him off. She knew where this was going.

"Barry, don't," she warned, "I'd do it again."

"You could've died, Cait!" He blurted out, a pained kind of crack in his voice.

"But I didn't," she reason firmly, leaning forward and catching his gaze. "I didn't," she repeated, softer this time. "Thanks to you."

Reaching out slowly, she placed her hand on top of his and curled her fingers around his palm. "We think that being close to you was what helped my cells adjust and recharge."

She watched the new realization slowly mushroom through him.

"You saved my life, Barry," she spoke with the slightest hint of tears in her eyes. "Just by being you."

Without another word he sprang forward, wrapping her in a tight and all-encompassing embrace. She leaned into him, allowing her form to melt into his. He let out a shuddery and uneven breath over her shoulder, rocking back and forth a little as his hand moved up to cup the back of her head.

She burrowed further into his chest, and tucked her head beneath his chin, closing her eyes and allowing herself to breathe in the familiar scent. His lips found the top of her head and he pressed several gentle kisses there, his soul still reeling from the very real possibility that he could have lost her. He hadn't. They were both still there, alive and breathing, and Caitlin had to believe that it was enough.

After a while, Barry pulled away just enough to look at her, an air of unsurety in his eyes.

"Do you still want me to—" he started to say.

"Please," the words flew past Caitlin's lips, a little frantically. "Please stay. At least for a little while," she tried to sound calmer this time. "Nightmares or no, it would be nice to not be alone right now."

Barry nodded slowly, wordlessly, and together they laid down and stretched out. He pulled the blankets over them as he settled in beside her, afterward taking her hand and threading his fingers through hers. She sighed contently and squeezed his hand, her thumb gently rubbing his knuckles.

They stayed like that for several minutes, lapsing into a relaxed silence as the pale moonlight cast shadows across the darkened ceiling.

"I've been thinking," it was Barry's voice that eventually rang out. "I know things are a little crazy and disjointed right now. I mean we're homeless and jobless and technically dead to society," he continued, leaving Caitlin a little unsure of what exactly he was getting at.

"Is this supposed to be reassuring?" She couldn't help but tease him a bit.

"_My point is—" _Barry kept talking, a lightness to his words.

"I know it's gonna take a bit for both of us to get back on our feet, but when we do, I thought maybe we could...well maybe it would be...it would be _helpful_ if we went in on a place together."

Caitlin turned her head to look at him, blinking rapidly as his proposition sunk in. She instantly propped herself up on her forearms, eyes wide and hopeful. "Really?"

"Only if you want to!" The words spilled from Barry's lips as he tried to backtrack, fresh doubt clouding his demeanor. "I was just thinking maybe it would be easier for both of us if we split the rent. And I mean it isn't like we haven't already lived together before so it wouldn't exactly be—"

Barry's ramblings were cut short as Caitlin all but launched herself at him, throwing her arms tightly around his neck and burying her face in the crook of it. The air that was forced from his lungs on impact came out as a breathy laugh. He soon found himself slowly bringing his arms around to pull her even closer to him, closing his eyes contently.

She had given him all the answer that he needed.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, they didn't see each other nearly enough as far as Barry was concerned. Not only did they stay in separate houses, but they were also knee-deep in their own individual court cases as they attempted to reclaim their identities.

Despite all that, they still made a point to spend time together. Barry came to check on her every night and would stay until she fell asleep. Every night he would also forget to close the window behind him, much to Cynthia's annoyance.

Besides that, they stole whatever moments they could, usually at Jitters or tucked away in a quiet corner of the lab. It was during once such stolen moment that the impossible happened.

It had begun as a fairly standard morning. Well, as standard as it could be given their current state of limbo. Caitlin was getting ready for her final court hearing and Barry had sped over to ask her opinion on which tie to wear to his first day back at CCPD.

She had been skimming through newspaper adds when he appeared in her room with a _whoosh_, a coffee for her in one hand and two ties in the other. She helped him choose and even tied it for him. Afterward, she thanked him for the coffee and left a kiss on this cheek before resuming her previous task.

Barry shrugged on his jacket and moved to the bathroom mirror, if only to hide the smile that tugged at his lips and the slight blush that had crept its way onto his cheeks.

No sooner had he left the room did Caitlin's quiet gasp fill his ears. He spun on his heel in an instant and leaned back through the doorway, his eyes immediately finding her. She sat motionless on the edge of the bed, face painted with astonishment and disbelief as she stared down at the newspaper in hand.

"What is it?" Barry inquired, creasing his brow as he moved to stand in front of her.

She quickly turned the paper around, her index finger highlighting the source of her bewilderment. Barry bent down to read it, eyes widening as soon as he saw the picture on the For Sale ad.

"No way," his gaze flickered up to meet hers, voice scarcely above a whisper.

"Yes way," she replied, tone mirroring his own.

"That's not...that can't be possible. It wasn't real, none of it was real," he tried to reason.

"That was what I thought too, but it's right there." Caitlin paused, still trying to process the whole thing. "That's our house, Barry."

They went to see it the next day, if only to convince themselves it was real and that it truly was the home they had shared for nearly half a decade.

They followed the realtor in silence as she explained all the details they were already well acquainted with, their gazes roaming the walls with quiet amazement.

It was all the same, more or less. It was as close as it could be given that apparently no one had lived in it for over five years now. The owners had almost given up on selling it but had decided to run the ads one last time on a gut-feeling.

The house that had once contained a host of memories was now a neglected fixer-upper, but it was still theirs. It was the place that, once upon a time, they had built together. It was just an empty shell now, but that was the beauty of it; it could be filled.

When the tour came to an end and the realtor told them the price, they wasted no time in concluding that it was perfect. The woman nodded and smiled, leaving briefly to go collect the paperwork.

As her footsteps faded and they were left alone in the silence, they couldn't help but beam at each other.

_It was real. It was actually real. _

Caught up in the moment, Caitlin reached for Barry to hug him but soon found herself being lifted off the floor entirely as he scooped her up in his arms and spun around.

She actually giggled as they made joyful circles around the empty foyer, her face tucked neatly against his neck.

They had been granted a second chance, a _real_ chance. Barry was determined not to waste it.


End file.
